Day 800

Wow. Eight hundred days in a row no booze at all. That’s me! Who’d’a thunk it?!?

Not only that but it is so -much- a part of me that I didn’t even think of it till right now...although maybe I would have if I didn’t have so very much chaos floating around all the time.

In any case it’s a cool thing.

Day 799

There wasn’t a bruise at all. Flat on my back with an ice pack totally did its job. So hooray for that.

Rest of the day was pretty lousy though.

Still — a lousy sober day is still a _sober_ day.

Day 798

Today was a really hard day.

In addition to the new three-dig baseline there was family drama and my dog got so excited about going out that he jumped as I was putting on his leash. Dogskull bashed my right cheekbone hard. It REALLY hurt. Stunningly so - I cried like a little kid which triggered the floodgates. I bawled all throughout getting a bag of veggies from the freezer and collapsing into the recliner chair and eventually the family investigated. I stayed in the chair with that ice for a good 45 minutes, boring though it was, and I am cautiously optimistic I kept it from bruising. Cautiously. We will know in the morning.

Part of why I’m so glad about that is because it is a universal constant across the globe that if we see a woman with facial bruising everyone’s first thought, no matter how brief or in passing is “I wonder what man did that to her.”

I still had a whole full weekend day of stuff afterwards though, like it or not, and I did it all but was smart enough to ask for help a couple times. Progress.

Had drinking thoughts. Just thoughts, just in passing, but I got as far as “and it wouldn’t help anything - would make it all worse, in fact - and you’d be blowing more than two -years-.” Stress plus family drama plus other drinking family members plus media...but I didn’t drink and I’m not gonna drink and that’s that.

I’m gonna go to bed is what I’m gonna.

Day 797

For as much chaos as this house has it was a decent Saturday. Got a fair bit of knitting done and trekked down to the good grocery store - with re-useable tote bags for the first time ever and that worked out really well.

Listened to most of “Nanette” for a second time; that worked out really well too. I so rarely agree with popular opinion but everyone is totally right about Hannah Gadsby. Awesome art history major.

I’m starting to get used to the huge amount of chaos but I gotta say there’s a part of me already looking forward to August 13 which will be the first day the house is back to its one-dog routine.

An incidentally nice thing about a sober Saturday night? One remembers to put butter out so it will be  soft enough to make banana bread in the morning.

Day 796

Long stressful day. Three is still a helluva lot of dogs. Pads so helpful I ordered a bunch online.

Looking forward to sleeping in. May not happen but the thought that I -can- go back to sleep after dealing with critters is a nice one.

My new small ceramic bowls came during the week - early, in fact - and although rearranging shelves to make room was higher priority I’m glad I can now finally unpack and wash them.

I’m also glad I’ve finally got sense enough to -not- push and try to do it all tonight. I’m awake late enough as-is. But it was pleasant.

Day 795

Got my new glasses! They’re really pretty too. Bad news is that after 3 weeks without bifocals the eyes have to adjust all over again. Good news is that the adjustment is faster than the first time.

Also saw a -really-nice- rainbow with Youngest on the way home after picking her up from work.

Kinda makes up for some of the Dog Chaos.

Day 794

Better day: much less drama.

No other thoughts though. All good wishes to everyone out there.

Day 793

Work was really easy and I wa happy about that because there was plenty of family drama to take up the slack.

I’m so glad I’m sober; life would just be impossible these days if I were still drinking.

Day 792

I just now realized that Saturday was my two years and two months soberversary. Totally forgot about it till now.

Went back to work and that was okay although I hadn’t been there a whole two hours before the tension was back. Such is the way of the world.

Had some family drama too - doesn’t it just figure?

However it is really good knowing that I’m gonna wake up feeling totally fine because I have managed to get off the booze roller coaster. I don’t know how I could possibly live the life I’ve been living and still have alcohol on board - I’d be half-dead and fully in despair all the time...oh wait, I was.

This is better. Life is still often hard and occasionally sucky but it’s not -ever- as bad as the drinking/loathing cycle.

Day 791

Every day some new bit of drama.

On the plus side the new puppy is really getting acclimated to doing his business only on the puppy-pads which is a big help. There’s still a -long- way to go but I can see progress in a week so that’s something. Also on the plus side I did -not- eat All The Carbs today.

On the minus side both Eldest and MiL saw fit to act out.

But hey, sober and in bed at 9:30 for the win.

Day 790

Today was much better.

Of course the bar was set awfully low.

I’m still kinda heartbroken about Middle whenever I stop to think about it but for good or bad I’m only able to think about it here and there whenever other stuff isn’t taking precedence.

However I got at least two if not three good hours of knitting time in so that felt vacation-y. Shame that it’s my next to last vacation day to feel like that but better late than never.

Also a pair of pants that were too small when I bought them fit now — that was pretty cool.

It’s the middle of summer but I’ve god cracked chapped hands from washing them so much. Sigh. But it’s incrementally better each day.

Day 789

What. A. Day.

I think I mentioned that our son, the Middle Child who is living at home and commuting to nearby state college (math major; starts his senior year next month) turned 21 on Tuesday. I know I mentioned yesterday’s work reception going really well. I was happy about that although new shoes meant my feet were killing me before it was over - might have mentioned that too. 

The dogs even let me have a decent amount of sleep last night. However as I was sitting down to breakfast this morning at 7 ish, our son called, surprised to be waking up at the hospital.  The local hospital for a town of 2000. The local hospital where I work as a department chief which is why I had the shindig the night before. He needed picked up and a female voice on the phone called out to bring a change of clothes. 

So I went to his room and found pants and a shirt but went nuts looking for underwear. Who the fuck runs out of -underwear- for fucks sake?!? Grabbed yesterday’s pair off the floor - fuck it. 

Then I went on a -very- long 6-mile drive to the hospital. Apparently he got blackout drunk and mouthy as hell at the for-locals (as opposed to tourists) bar. No legal issues of any kind, praise be. I had been so worried. Could have been helluva lot worse. So. Much. Worse.  He did not seem to appreciate that aspect of things - well not at 7:30 in the morning still half-drunk from the night before - but I certainly do. 

He was hauled into the ED to sleep it off; was in disposable scrubs when I arrived due to puking. I confirmed with hospita security officer there was no legal wrongdoing . Officer also explained that he was in a crisis (psych) unit bed because he had “some salty language” which was disturbing others, said “hey you had sober friends driving” ( which did my heart good) and returned his belongings. 

Later that morning his sober friend showed up at the house to return his cellphone and fill in the details. Apparently everyone bought my (5’5”, 130 lbs, jeans waist 30”) son shots because of the recent birthday and bihghawd he drank all of them. After having eaten zero food that day.  “Tried to start three fights” which I think means pushed some people and then was outside loudly and violently vomiting when law enforcement showed up and made his friend take him to the ED - ensured compliance by following in the police vehicle. They got to ED and there were “seven sheriffs” who likely happened to be there for other reasons but when son was put in wheelchair & saw all of them he decided in his drunken state to make a run for it (?!!?) and was grabbed, thrown against a wall and handcuffed -then- wheeled into ED. 

Apparently he settled down after that.

On top of a home repair and the three beagles that was just one thing too many. I’m shot. Emotionally exhausted and morally bankrupt (that’s a quote from MASH which is a TV show that hasn’t aged particularly well imho.)

I have been eating All The Carbs today for the first day in a long time and don’t even care. 

Fortunately the beagles are starting to act less crazy all day long. But damn, just damn.

Day 788

Long day. The work thing went great but damn three dogs is a lot. I’m doing it and even still getting knitting time in but it’s more tiring than I expected.

Club soda pineapple juice was a great drink. Very refreshing.

Day 787

Long day. The boy dogs -love- to play with each other but it gets tiresome after a while and just doing the food/walks/gated areas routine is draining. Puppies are -lots- of work.

Then the furnace went out. No hot water. Joy. They fixed it but I really didn’t need One More Thing.

But bed now praise be. 

Day 786 and a half

Didn’t post last night. Sorry about that - usually it’s the last thing before bed and I think this makes the third or maybe fourth time I’ve missed since I started this journey. Nothing bad...just the chaos of a new puppy interacting with the established dogs. I had forgotten. SO glad I took the week off as night before last - first night of all 3 dogs - I got very broken sleep and last night I had to take all the toys away because the two boy dogs thought playing keepaway at midnight was s fine thing. They’re chasing each other right now in fact. The girl dog, who is the oldest, can’t be bothered but my dog thinks the puppy is the greatest thing ever and vice versa.

While I was out yesterday I heard an ad on the radio that totally stunned me: it was for “Arnold Palmer Spiked Iced Tea.” WTF?!!?  That’s like an ad for Roy Rogers beer or Shirley Temple wine and I just can’t figure out who in the world thought this was a good idea. Clearly the company knows what an Arnold Palmer _is_ because the ad mentioned half tea and half lemonade but ferpitysake doesn’t anyone remember why it’s called that?!? The booze industry sucks.

Sobriety, however, rocks. I can’t imagine doing this puppy business hung over.

Day 785

Long day but good one.Brought Spouse and dogs (yes, plural - they got a puppy down there) back up here and I’m so happy to have him home a while. Boy is there a lot of dogs.

I’m so happy to be sober. No way could I keep up if I were still drinking.

Day 784

Emotionally draining day. Much family drama, but better now I think.

I had forgotten that one of the (many) really valuable things about sobriety is that it makes you so much more emotionally resilient. In addition to ones own emotions not vibrating up and doen rapidly there are bigger shock absorbers when hit with the big emotions of others. Very worth it.

Day 783

Drove down to the other house today. It’s been...okay I guess. I’m hoping sleeping late and having absolutely nothing I -need- to do will help my mood as it hasn’t been the greatest.

But hey, sober for the win.

Day 782

Sigh. Finally on vacation. Don’t have to go back for nine whole days.

It was a busy day but a good one. Fell down the internet well and now it’s past my bedtime but that’s okay.

Day 781

Started the day crabby but got better as it progressed.

Barometer of my stress level: yesterday evening looked at gas gauge and was all “holy shit it’s down below 7/8 and I just filled tank Monday morning WTF?!!? Was all worried something might be seriously wrong with 7 year old car. Tonight it finally clicked: Duh...instead of going into town and back 1x per day I’ve been doing it 3x per day: go to work, home at lunch to take Youngest to work, home myself then back into town to pick her up. Normally it wouldn’t have taken me 24 hours to sort that out.

I’m hoping that trading work stress for family chaos will be an improvement. Saturday Youngest and I are going down to the other house to fetch Spouse (and girl-beagle and new puppy) up here for an extended visit and I have next week off.

Tonight I am just SO happy to be a sober person.

Day 780

Not the greatest of days.

At lunchtime I had to  run home to take Youngest to work and noticed a new door ding on the passenger side of my car.  I have one on the driver's side from last fall/winter so I guess this is my spring one. You'd think people would be more considerate of their CO_WORKER'S cars but apparently not. Of course it's possible it happened in a different parking lot elsewhere in town and I just didn't _notice_ it till lunchtime today but still.

After dropping her off I wanted to stop by the hardware store. In doing so I drove right by my favorite local restaurant and noticed that even though tourist season is in full swing the parking lot didn't seem too crowded so I thought after the hardware store I'd take myself to lunch. Well I parked, went in and just ahead of me in the line to be seated was a group of maybe four people who said they needed a table for "let's see...five and five and I think another four or maybe five---fifteen please."  So the hostess took off to the depths of the restaurant with them and I waited.  And waited. And realized that the music from the other side of the restaurant was loud and unpleasant and that if they were seating big groups they'd probably ask if I'd mind sitting at the bar - which was what I did last time I ate there and it was fine but for some reason I didn't really want to do that today.  I pondered that as another two or three groups of tourists came in after me -- one group waited behind me and was talking about all the people who would be joining them, one group milled about not understanding the big "wait to be seated" sign and the third group went on back because apparently they had friends who had gone on ahead. That was when I realized that I just didn't want to eat there any more: no way would the experience or the shrimp be worth the hassle. So I left before the hostess came back and ended up getting a wrap from my work cafeteria.

Got home and one of the new floor tiles is still wanting to warp. Yesterday when I emailed him, the installer said put a weight on it which I did; I'm hoping another day will do the trick because it's gonna be a real hassle to schedule getting him back to do anything further as I'm really busy this week and out of town from Saturday morning till Monday night.  Then the knitting project didn't go well at all. But hey, I'm surviving and I'm surviving sober so I win.

 

And now it's bedtime. Past bedtime actually---I just don't get sleepy the way I used to and I'm not sure why. Still waking up at the same time in the morning so it's not like I'm sleep-deprived...weird.

Day 779

Woke up with a -bad- case of the mean reds but it eased off as the day continued. Sort of.

Work blew up into majorly busy and I’m heavily into a knitting project so it’s amazing how fast the time has flown by these past two days. I looked up and realized “crap, it’s time for bed!” Nice when that happens for sober reasons.

Day 778

The stairs and upstairs hallway look great. It was also very nice to spend pretty much -another- whole day sitting in my easy chair knitting.

Hoping work isn’t too horrible tomorrow in trade-off for today.

Kinda brain-dead — I think it’s because the big stress of the floor is over. But sleep should help.

Day 777

Youngest came home from work last night with big plans to stay at a friend’s house overnight after her work shift today and return the car to me first thing in the morning tomorrow. I said okay and she was up and dressed and out the door this morning before 8 so she could go have coffeee/breakfast with friends.

This actually made me a bit sad - I kind of get the empty-nest thing a bit now - but I happily spent the day knitting and -not- going grocery shopping or cooking.

Now I’m trying really hard to go to sleep before I decide I’m hungry enough to get up and have a little snack. Don’t need a snack at all.

Day 776

A quiet around-the-house kind of day. Post office in the morning and grocery/Chinese carry-out in the evening but a whole lot of sitting around knitting in between. Finally heard Hannah Gatsby’s Nanette and see why everyone has been going on about it.

So far so good.

Day 775

If the attention to underlayment detail is a good gauge then the new flooring should be really nice. Having a day to futz around with my knitting was incredibly beneficial too.

The heat wave broke enough for me to try a new cookie recipe: lemon polenta. By request of a friend so I’ll send some to her. It’s a good enough recipe to keep but like any other lemon thing in the world ya gotta add lemon extract.

Debating the merits of a cookie recipe on a Friday night — never thought I’d actually be this person but I think I like her.

Day 774

Long day. My new knitting project came so I started it. Fiddly and annoying at the beginning; seems to be getting easier.

Stripped sticky-tiles off upper landing/hallway — that was more work than I expected. Should have allotted WAY more time for it. Then Youngest came home, read online about using an iron to soften the tile and got the rest up in a fraction of the time with far less effort. The very definition of “work smarter not harder.”

Tomorrow the floor people will come and I’m looking forward to having a day of basically doing nothing but sit in my chair keeping and ear out for the workers.

Day 773

A mixed day. I did stay in my PJs all day and I did some organizing of the house and I did a lot of knitting and crocheting...but there was still a fair bit of drama.

Also I kept thinking it was a weekend day - sometimes Saturday and sometimes Sunday but this middle-of-the-week day off thing had me kind of discombobulated.

Even so...US Fourth of July is pretty high up the Drinking Holidays list so there is always a certain pleasure in doing it sober.

Day 772

long tiresome drama filled day. But I didn’t drink so I win.

My plan is to sleep in and stay in my pajamas all day tomorrow.

Day 771

Sharing the car with a kid whose “part-time” job hovers right at 40 hours is already getting old and we are only a week in.

Maybe the pain is making me crankier than usual. It is much improved but not entirely gone yet.

More likely the emotional stress generated by the other house is making me both cranky and sad.

But now that Youngest is home I can just go to bed. After two years, one month and eleven days I can say with some certainty that going to bed early is always -always- a better choice than relaxing with a cocktail. Doesn’t seem that way for a while but yup, it’s true.

Day 770

For a take-it-easy kind of day I sure ended up doing a lot of sorting in the basement. Oh well.

The heat wave is pretty miserable since not very many windows in this house can take air conditioners and we don’t have central heating/cooling or ductless heating/cooling. Someday.

Got stuff done but kept everything low key - I’m getting better at that.