Day 536

Another long hard day

Tonight I skipped my walk in favor if doing some housework and it made me feel a lot better psychologically.

Good thing too because afterwards I had a really draining family phone call.

Something which has occurred to me a few times this past week: sober living means never waking up with new regrets. That’s a big thing.

Day 535

Really lousy Monday at work.

But I took care of myself by not getting too caught up in the chaos and by making nachos as soon as I got home because, as I told Youngest, melted cheese makes everything better.

Then I got a big ol’ belated birthday present from the woman I call my sister - Mac nuts from a Big Island Farm not 20 miles from where she lives. That helped.

Lying around on the couch all night helped too. I’d be in bed already if it weren’t for Youngest still being out at rehearsal.

Tonight I’m specifically glad not to be still drinking because this is the kind of night where, because of the lousy day, I would have started the second d I got home, been resentful of having to do dinner and been up too late and that’s not even taking the effects of the alcohol itself into account.  This is better.

Day 534

I think Daylight Savings Time is categorically silly but in the fall it is kind of nice that getting up at what my body thinks is the usual time turns out to be an hour earlier. I was at the grocery a smidge before eight which was astounding. Practically nobody was there, either...which cut both ways. I like self serve checkouts: they are efficient and usually have no line. However this morning I had to run the week’s groceries for a family of four through one because there was no _non_ express-lane cashier. That -really- sucked a lot. Balancing All The Things on the bag area, even with shelf and turntable, was nigh impossible...and I got the “please wait for an attendant” warning a good 8 or 10 Times. The attendant was very quick to punch whatever buttons at the control station fixed things but I was still just about ready to have a breakdown by the time I got everything rung up. Then I had to reload the cart, unload it into the car then bring everything in...at least Youngest was awake to help put it all away. Such an ordeal.

Treated myself right away to an easy tasty breakfast though - that helped.

Otherwise it was just another pleasant valley Sunday. I cooked - “Five pounds” sounds like a lot of mashed potatoes but it turned out to be 11 medium-sized spuds which became one big serving bowlful. Since I needed more than half for the dinner shepherds pie and I wanted extras to have both plain (I don’t eat shepherd’s pie) and for leftovers,  I was glad I did the whole bag after all.

And now to bed...on fresh sheets. Still not up to changing them weekly and still haven’t bought the new set of sheets I was planning a while back but every other weekend is progress nonetheless.

A whole new week awaits.

Day 533

Dog woke me early but after doing the Critter Stuff I went back to sleep on the couch for another hour - always pleasant. Once I was up for the day I realized sleep had largely fixed the loneliness of yesterday.

Not nearly as ambitious this Saturday as last but I did all the stuff I needed to do. Also a lot of knitting which had to be ripped out and re-done because I didn’t read the pattern carefully enough - live and learn. I fixed the problem and recovered about half of what I lost before I realized that Daylight Savings starting night or not, it’s bedtime. 

Day 532

Today was all about the “L” in HALT. This whole living-apart thing really hit me hard today. Yeah yeah, we decided this was the way to go and theoretically it’s only for a total of three years but today it just really got to me.

And of course this was the evening Middle went out early to spend the night with friends and Youngest had a rehearsal which will run way late. Given how hard it’s been not to overeat I’m really glad there’s no booze in the house. I don’t think I would have any but I wouldn’t want to have the struggle.

Normally I’m just fine keeping my own company but it has been s long and often frustrating week which seems to make it all worse. None of my usual activities had any appeal - didn’t want to knit or do computer gaming or even read...but wasn’t sleepy enough to nap either. Mostly just crashed on the couch and played freecell solitaire on my phone. Which is okay, I suppose, but not how I had envisioned spending my Friday night. I had thought there would be more phone time with the Away Team family, more knitting, maybe something on TV...but it is what it is.

And now it’s late enough to be bedtime. Sleep never hurts and often helps.

Day 531

Better day. Still room for improvement but not as draggy or moody. Got off work an hour early which helped a lot: had a nice leisurely showerbath (shower to get clean then fill tub for a soak) before dinner.  Youngest got her driver’s license on Monday so I didn’t have to worry about taking her to/from rehearsal which also helped.

Now to sleep. Quiet self-care is starting to feel normal and reflexive.

Day 530

Another very out of sorts day. No motivation, no drive...just hungry and tired all day long. Moody too.

Cut myself a lot of slack - microwaveable dinner, skipped my walk (first time in 6 weeks,) had an extra snack. Early bedtime. I think I might finally be getting the hang of not pushing myself or mentally scolding myself when I get tired and cranky and recalcitrant.