An interesting day thus far.
This morning I noticed that my good buddy Toradol was only cutting my pain by about half to two-thirds, not all the way down to "damned near nuthin'." That was odd but hey, tendinitis is a bitch, right?
I went for my "just to be safe rule-out" X-ray and after it was done the X-ray tech weirdly asked me if I could wait in the waiting area for a few minutes "to make sure the doctor sees the films" and then after a while she said I could go ahead and leave "but you're going to be in the building today, right?" That was odd too...but I forgot all about it once I got back to my office.
After a meeting I went to the ZOO of a surgical clinic where I learned that "orthopedic boot" is code for "removable walking cast" and shortly thereafter learned that the freaking thing made it hurt -far- worse than nothing at all. I wore it for about ten minutes till I could get back down to my office and take it off with thoughts of stopping at the drugstore for a good old-fashioned ACE wrap or some kind of elastic brace and I was mad my Toradol seemed to have worn all the way off a little before its six-hour mark. I was in the middle of a whiny email rant to a friend of mine about the cost in both dollars and aggravation of finding out I had the same peroneal tendinitis I had diagnosed the day the pain started when the attending from last night called me with X-ray results: Acute fracture of the distal left fibular metadiaphysis. This would be fancy-talk for "freaking broken, is what."
That explains the lousy pain relief and the weird X-ray tech and the worsening not improving swelling...and also means my family was right to nag me to see someone. Pretty clearly reinforces "that's nuts, Mom" regarding my worrying about being thought a whiner or a baby....the doctor saod she was fooled and apologized not once but twice for the misdiagnosis! Obviously growing up with a crazylady whose best crazys involved sickness of varying kinds has totally warped my perspective, subsequent training notwithstanding. Useful life lesson there.
Another useful life lesson: when the PrimeCare scheduler put me through to the Orthopedics scheduler I couldn't get an appointment till late Monday afternoon which probably wasn't that bad in the grand scheme of things but was psychologically bothersome - it seemed wrong for my own healthcare system to say "now that we know it's broken it's still okay to walk on it another 4.5 days." In an exceedingly rare burst of RHIP (rank hath its privilege) I had my secretary, who used to work in surgical scheduling, play the Insider card to move up the appointment to 10:15 tomorrow morning...and I don't even feel guilty about it.
-Much later-
It was a rough evening. Two days of poking and prodding plus that awful pain-inducing orthopedic boot caught up with me as I was getting dinner. It was like I hadn't even taken the damned Toradol and I couldn't get to the couch fast enough. Once there I couldn't find a position, even lying down, that didn't hurt at least a little. Was a weepy angry whiny self pitying mess for a while but I remembered "reach out; don't isolate" and texting with family helped. Eventually the swelling went down enuogh that I was merely uncomfortable and not completely miserable. The pisser is that I didn't DO anything to it. No fall, no twist, not even stepping on a rock. Will probably have to get a bone density scan because "stress fracture at just barely 50" is considered abnormal. Especially with no actual injury. Freaking fibula just decided to break itself for no good reason.
Didn't want a drink through any of it so that was good.
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Day 193
Long day.
Every single person who heard I had an appointment about my foot/leg said "good!" with surprising emphasis. On the way in I told Middle, "even though sitting here it hurts when I flex it I'm still afraid they will think I'm a whiner or a baby or a faker." Never one to mince words, he said, "that's crazy, Mom." I know. Being the kid who was part of a fair bit of Munchausens By Proxy really skews one's perspective.
After all the fuss ahead of time it took 2 hrs to find out I have the peroneal tendinitis I diagnosed the day I first got pain...but at least I now have Toradol i.e. Ketorolac i.e. very strong NSAID which severely opiate intolerant I call "the good stuff." Also prescriptions for x ray and an ominous-sounding "orthopedic boot." Nobody thought I was a whiner or a baby or faking it: when the attending came in she was still a couple feet away when she said "oh yeah I see the swelling" and I was -offered- both a work note and narcotic painkiller, neither of which I took.
Energy still low but finally ironed the fabric I've been wanting to do since Saturday...but wisely decided not to attempt pattern layout and cutting yet tonight: much better to wait till I'm less tired.
Oh! Almost forgot: wanted to mention that I have noticed that I am better able to keep track of little trivial things these days. Like "oh yeah there was a spot on that shirt I wanted to spritz with the spray stuff" when loading laundry into the washer. Or remembering grocery items not on the list. Nothing all that important but still. Also I don't seem to be chalking things up to "well, stress" nearly as often either. I don't have -proof- that staying sober is the reason but I do think that's at the root of it. One more thing in the "plus" column.
Every single person who heard I had an appointment about my foot/leg said "good!" with surprising emphasis. On the way in I told Middle, "even though sitting here it hurts when I flex it I'm still afraid they will think I'm a whiner or a baby or a faker." Never one to mince words, he said, "that's crazy, Mom." I know. Being the kid who was part of a fair bit of Munchausens By Proxy really skews one's perspective.
After all the fuss ahead of time it took 2 hrs to find out I have the peroneal tendinitis I diagnosed the day I first got pain...but at least I now have Toradol i.e. Ketorolac i.e. very strong NSAID which severely opiate intolerant I call "the good stuff." Also prescriptions for x ray and an ominous-sounding "orthopedic boot." Nobody thought I was a whiner or a baby or faking it: when the attending came in she was still a couple feet away when she said "oh yeah I see the swelling" and I was -offered- both a work note and narcotic painkiller, neither of which I took.
Energy still low but finally ironed the fabric I've been wanting to do since Saturday...but wisely decided not to attempt pattern layout and cutting yet tonight: much better to wait till I'm less tired.
Oh! Almost forgot: wanted to mention that I have noticed that I am better able to keep track of little trivial things these days. Like "oh yeah there was a spot on that shirt I wanted to spritz with the spray stuff" when loading laundry into the washer. Or remembering grocery items not on the list. Nothing all that important but still. Also I don't seem to be chalking things up to "well, stress" nearly as often either. I don't have -proof- that staying sober is the reason but I do think that's at the root of it. One more thing in the "plus" column.
Monday, November 28, 2016
Day 192
Tiring day.
Site visit at work: couple hours driving for less than an hour of meeting and another one tomorrow in a different direction. Spouse and Eldest back to other house. Made an appointment to get ankle/leg looked at tomorrow afternoon: two weeks is long enough. That triggered a whole bunch of "sick" issues which I don't feel like unpacking now other than to say it was a big achievement to actually go ahead and arrange to be seen and that I've been having to tell myself pretty regularly that I am not a burden or a whiner or a faker. It's kind of working.
No cravings but still eating too much - trying to cut myself a fair bit of slack as there has been the whole holiday chaos on top of pain thing going on...that's kind of working too though not as well.
Creeping toward the new personal best day of 203 bit by bit...that's working great. Have told myself that even if I don't move more than the bare minimum to get from bed to car to office and back again -while- eating a whole damned bag of cookies in a single setting that would all be okay - well, tolerable anyhow - as long as no booze was involved. This isn't a Total Health And Wellness Makeover Plan; this is a Quit Boozing Plan and doesn't need potentially derailing creeping elegance.
Second day in a row I wanted to play with fabric in the evening and was just too freaking tired when the time came...maybe I really -do- need to get the ankle/leg thing fixed up as it is definitely impacting my life. Something to ponder.
Site visit at work: couple hours driving for less than an hour of meeting and another one tomorrow in a different direction. Spouse and Eldest back to other house. Made an appointment to get ankle/leg looked at tomorrow afternoon: two weeks is long enough. That triggered a whole bunch of "sick" issues which I don't feel like unpacking now other than to say it was a big achievement to actually go ahead and arrange to be seen and that I've been having to tell myself pretty regularly that I am not a burden or a whiner or a faker. It's kind of working.
No cravings but still eating too much - trying to cut myself a fair bit of slack as there has been the whole holiday chaos on top of pain thing going on...that's kind of working too though not as well.
Creeping toward the new personal best day of 203 bit by bit...that's working great. Have told myself that even if I don't move more than the bare minimum to get from bed to car to office and back again -while- eating a whole damned bag of cookies in a single setting that would all be okay - well, tolerable anyhow - as long as no booze was involved. This isn't a Total Health And Wellness Makeover Plan; this is a Quit Boozing Plan and doesn't need potentially derailing creeping elegance.
Second day in a row I wanted to play with fabric in the evening and was just too freaking tired when the time came...maybe I really -do- need to get the ankle/leg thing fixed up as it is definitely impacting my life. Something to ponder.
Sunday, November 27, 2016
Day 191
Still morning, actually.
It is great to wake up refreshed at quarter past six in a Sunday morning but it is even better to go back to sleep on the couch for another 90 minutes and still get the shopping put away before anyone else is up. Getting salad made and the yard picked up were just bonus. Since I have a Lunchable for ABL and dinner is still a big question mark, ALL my Actual Work of the day was done by ten in the morning...and not just done but done easily and in good spirits because I don't have that dizzy tired vaguely nauseated everything-sucks feeling. Totally worth it. I've even forgiven the dog.
I realize this feeling might not last the whole day but I wanted to note it now.
=Much Later=
Like twelve whole hours later. Glad I wrote something upbeat earlier as the day sort of soured on me...or maybe it was me souring on the day. In either case I ended up irked at most everything before falling asleep on the couch at nine. Have moved from couch to bed and am going right back to sleep as tomorrow begins a whole fresh week of early mornings again. Glad I'm far away from the "oh but it is the last day of the holiday - gotta enjoy it extra much" mentality that would have had me drinking "not -too- very much" even though (hell, because) I'm clearly tired and out of sorts.
It is great to wake up refreshed at quarter past six in a Sunday morning but it is even better to go back to sleep on the couch for another 90 minutes and still get the shopping put away before anyone else is up. Getting salad made and the yard picked up were just bonus. Since I have a Lunchable for ABL and dinner is still a big question mark, ALL my Actual Work of the day was done by ten in the morning...and not just done but done easily and in good spirits because I don't have that dizzy tired vaguely nauseated everything-sucks feeling. Totally worth it. I've even forgiven the dog.
I realize this feeling might not last the whole day but I wanted to note it now.
=Much Later=
Like twelve whole hours later. Glad I wrote something upbeat earlier as the day sort of soured on me...or maybe it was me souring on the day. In either case I ended up irked at most everything before falling asleep on the couch at nine. Have moved from couch to bed and am going right back to sleep as tomorrow begins a whole fresh week of early mornings again. Glad I'm far away from the "oh but it is the last day of the holiday - gotta enjoy it extra much" mentality that would have had me drinking "not -too- very much" even though (hell, because) I'm clearly tired and out of sorts.
Saturday, November 26, 2016
Day 190
Some days you just throw in the towel and go to bed at quarter of nine.
Went to bed grumpy last night but the morning was just so good: Thanksgiving Saturday is a -particularly- nice morning to wake up fully functional and fit as the proverbial fiddle. Had been meaning all day to write about how nice it was to be at the bakery just before eight and get all the stuff done that I needed to do.
Then things spiraled downward. Stupid tendinitis flared badly right around the same time family tensions started flaring...they got loud-ish with one another while I reclined on the couch to get my foot elevated. Girl-beagle has always had a bean bladder and I'm Out Lady so she started carrying on to me to take her out and I made noises about someone else doing it as I didn't want to get up but through one thing and another it didn't happen and she curled up next to me...and peed all over me and the couch. Maybe she was asleep and it was the doggie version of wetting the bed or maybe it was on purpose but in any case that was freaking it for me. The couch is vinyl and had a sheet on it anyhow so no big deal there but I decided after my shower that I was All Done with today.
Which is the best kind of self care as I don't think sitting around watching others drink (again) was really going to be good for me anyhow: I would have gotten as grumpy or more so than last night and that's no way to be. This is better. Blankets, a book...all good.
Went to bed grumpy last night but the morning was just so good: Thanksgiving Saturday is a -particularly- nice morning to wake up fully functional and fit as the proverbial fiddle. Had been meaning all day to write about how nice it was to be at the bakery just before eight and get all the stuff done that I needed to do.
Then things spiraled downward. Stupid tendinitis flared badly right around the same time family tensions started flaring...they got loud-ish with one another while I reclined on the couch to get my foot elevated. Girl-beagle has always had a bean bladder and I'm Out Lady so she started carrying on to me to take her out and I made noises about someone else doing it as I didn't want to get up but through one thing and another it didn't happen and she curled up next to me...and peed all over me and the couch. Maybe she was asleep and it was the doggie version of wetting the bed or maybe it was on purpose but in any case that was freaking it for me. The couch is vinyl and had a sheet on it anyhow so no big deal there but I decided after my shower that I was All Done with today.
Which is the best kind of self care as I don't think sitting around watching others drink (again) was really going to be good for me anyhow: I would have gotten as grumpy or more so than last night and that's no way to be. This is better. Blankets, a book...all good.
Friday, November 25, 2016
Day 189
Up and down day.
Work calm; home not. Wasn't even present for any of the chaos but got to hear about it all evening just the same. Got good and tired of it but have made it safely to bed and tomorrow is a whole new day. No cravings at all. Still eating too much and walking to Little but decided to cut myself slack till Spouse & Eldest are back in the other house.
And so it goes.
Work calm; home not. Wasn't even present for any of the chaos but got to hear about it all evening just the same. Got good and tired of it but have made it safely to bed and tomorrow is a whole new day. No cravings at all. Still eating too much and walking to Little but decided to cut myself slack till Spouse & Eldest are back in the other house.
And so it goes.
Thursday, November 24, 2016
Day 188 - US Thanksgiving
Not even noon yet and I'm escaping into the blogosphere after having just purchased more booze for the family. When I called the liquor store at 10:20 the owner answered and said they'd be open till 5 then closed for dinner from 5 to 7 then open again from 7 to 9. After telling the family along with "so you're set" I thought "wow, they really know this holiday, don't they?"
Eldest has gin in the house - she's the only one who drinks it - and at 8:30 this morning I had a brief romanticized image of sipping some on the rocks with club soda and lime for that burny-on-empty-stomach rush...but I got over it. Reminded myself that morning drinking -never- had a good outcome ever-ever-ever and that I needed my wits about me for the visit of Lursa and B'etor later in the day.
It's gonna be a tense day though; rest of family already edgy, Eldest is needlessly stressed over the food prep and of course drinking has begun. However I got a somewhat surprising burst of support from the family as I was preparing to go get the libations: they were teasing about "except for Mom...she's the -determined- Designated Driver" and I said something about "these past couple days have been pretty hard" and Spouse said "oh I wouldn't let you even if you wanted to right now; I'd knock the drink out of your hand. I'm so proud and envious of you" and I said "well, today is Day 188 and I'm not about to mess that up--I really want to get past where I did last time" and Eldest cut in to say "that's really pretty amazing, Mom. There are people who go to AA and do the chips and everything and they don't get that far." Then I shared that what I really wanted was a whole year which was May 21 and got more support including "...and we'll stop making fun of you. For that anyway."
I count that as a pretty big win.
Also decided what my 6-month treat would be: new undies. Nothing fancy or exotic or exciting but I had let my current stuff get on the ratty side and realized "hey, you're _fifty_ now and that's old enough that you never know if something will happen healthwise so you never know....and maybe that sounds a bit morbid but back in my twenties I -did- have an accident with a rat water bottle and ended up getting a nerve repaired in my thumb with what *I* thought would be local and a sedative but which turned out to be I went to sleep in one hospital johnny and woke up in a completely different one and yes I -had- been wearing my rattiest pair of underpants so there you are.
But I got the stuff in my Joann's Fabrics shopping cart too just to have a toy.
And now the stress has really begun because B'etor is on her way without Lursa and Eldest is going completely off the rails with the food. More later.
--Much Later--
Have just climbed under the covers thinking "we DID it!" as far as surviving turkey day with Lursa and B'etor...I mean Scylla and Charybdis...I mean my aunt-in-law and mother-in-law. Spouse ordered the Brazilian spirit Cashaca (pretend that second c has a dangly tail) and that turned out to be a smart move because MiL likkered up is easier to do business with. As mentioned, everyone else started drinking way early in the day but fortunately by the time they were to the sloppy getting on my sober nerves stage it was time to drive the old ladies home and get son in law off to work. The radio gods rewarded me on the way back with "Fanfare for the Common Man" on the classical station; that was a nice thing. Overall the day wasn't nearly as bad as everyone had made it out to be (even me) and it is OVER...with long term benefit of now having dining room and front room clean/useable again.
Sober: it's what's for dinner.
Eldest has gin in the house - she's the only one who drinks it - and at 8:30 this morning I had a brief romanticized image of sipping some on the rocks with club soda and lime for that burny-on-empty-stomach rush...but I got over it. Reminded myself that morning drinking -never- had a good outcome ever-ever-ever and that I needed my wits about me for the visit of Lursa and B'etor later in the day.
It's gonna be a tense day though; rest of family already edgy, Eldest is needlessly stressed over the food prep and of course drinking has begun. However I got a somewhat surprising burst of support from the family as I was preparing to go get the libations: they were teasing about "except for Mom...she's the -determined- Designated Driver" and I said something about "these past couple days have been pretty hard" and Spouse said "oh I wouldn't let you even if you wanted to right now; I'd knock the drink out of your hand. I'm so proud and envious of you" and I said "well, today is Day 188 and I'm not about to mess that up--I really want to get past where I did last time" and Eldest cut in to say "that's really pretty amazing, Mom. There are people who go to AA and do the chips and everything and they don't get that far." Then I shared that what I really wanted was a whole year which was May 21 and got more support including "...and we'll stop making fun of you. For that anyway."
I count that as a pretty big win.
Also decided what my 6-month treat would be: new undies. Nothing fancy or exotic or exciting but I had let my current stuff get on the ratty side and realized "hey, you're _fifty_ now and that's old enough that you never know if something will happen healthwise so you never know....and maybe that sounds a bit morbid but back in my twenties I -did- have an accident with a rat water bottle and ended up getting a nerve repaired in my thumb with what *I* thought would be local and a sedative but which turned out to be I went to sleep in one hospital johnny and woke up in a completely different one and yes I -had- been wearing my rattiest pair of underpants so there you are.
But I got the stuff in my Joann's Fabrics shopping cart too just to have a toy.
And now the stress has really begun because B'etor is on her way without Lursa and Eldest is going completely off the rails with the food. More later.
--Much Later--
Have just climbed under the covers thinking "we DID it!" as far as surviving turkey day with Lursa and B'etor...I mean Scylla and Charybdis...I mean my aunt-in-law and mother-in-law. Spouse ordered the Brazilian spirit Cashaca (pretend that second c has a dangly tail) and that turned out to be a smart move because MiL likkered up is easier to do business with. As mentioned, everyone else started drinking way early in the day but fortunately by the time they were to the sloppy getting on my sober nerves stage it was time to drive the old ladies home and get son in law off to work. The radio gods rewarded me on the way back with "Fanfare for the Common Man" on the classical station; that was a nice thing. Overall the day wasn't nearly as bad as everyone had made it out to be (even me) and it is OVER...with long term benefit of now having dining room and front room clean/useable again.
Sober: it's what's for dinner.
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