Another pleasant valley Sunday.
(Okay I'm not really a big Monkees fan but that's a good song.)
Anyhow it was a low key usual kind of weekend day: grocery, a walk, laundry and dinner. Tried those no-boil lasagna noodles for the first time and was surprised they actually do work really well.
Kept plugging away at my novel and I'm thinking I'll finish it tonight. Otherwise not a bit of interesting anything but that's perfectly okay. Boring beats emotional rollercoaster most any day.
Day after tomorrow is all my parathyroid radiology stuff - kinda dreading it for no good reason at all. It won't hurt, ferpitysake. Probably just my usual unease about the unknown. But soon it will be over and I have a bag of my good high-end free-trade dark chocolate covered toffee for Tuesday night as a reward for getting through a sestamibi scan and an ultrasound as a sober person. Treats are important.
Sunday, April 30, 2017
Saturday, April 29, 2017
Day 344
Wow that's a lot of days. Awfully close to a year now and it's both very awesome and absolutely ordinary.
This morning the dog decided we were up for the day at six thirty which was okay by me. Had to overnight mail some documents to Eldest so I went into town at eight thirty. As I was parking in the town lot who should be walking by but my mother-in-law? Yup. A year ago I would have already been trying to fix that draggy dizzy probably headachy feeling and wanting nothing more than to get to and from the post office as quickly as possible so I could lie back down and push fluids. Running into MiL would have been a calamity about which I would have complained vociferously and no doubt used as an excuse for yet more drinking the next day:"any day that -started- with running into..."
Yeah well today I just took it in stride. Walked with her to the bank and back to her apartment which meant I got caught up on all the news about herself and her sister which is useful for the family overall and deposits in the Bank of Good Will are always a smart move. So that felt pretty darned accomplished.
[later] Bah. Tried a new recipe and when I copied it out of the book I forgot to copy the sugar so I was attempting to make miniature pecan pies (tastiest) with no sweetener whatsoever. I -wondered- at the idea of a savory pecan anything but went blithely on...fortunately it is a small-batch recipe. Just goes to show that getting sober doesn't cure all stupidity/forgetfulness/etc. As Robin Williams said, "I'm the same asshole; I just have fewer dents in my car." On the other hand I'm -taking- this particular oops better than usual. I'm really feeling the "oh well" that people say about stuff like this when in the past I would be totally beating myself up over it. Now I'm just trying to decide whether or not I want to re-make the recipe correctly tomorrow and I'm thinking "nah...probably not." Learned enough about the process I know I -could- make a successful batch but don't really see the need to do it. That's a good place to leave it.
[later] Bah. Tried a new recipe and when I copied it out of the book I forgot to copy the sugar so I was attempting to make miniature pecan pies (tastiest) with no sweetener whatsoever. I -wondered- at the idea of a savory pecan anything but went blithely on...fortunately it is a small-batch recipe. Just goes to show that getting sober doesn't cure all stupidity/forgetfulness/etc. As Robin Williams said, "I'm the same asshole; I just have fewer dents in my car." On the other hand I'm -taking- this particular oops better than usual. I'm really feeling the "oh well" that people say about stuff like this when in the past I would be totally beating myself up over it. Now I'm just trying to decide whether or not I want to re-make the recipe correctly tomorrow and I'm thinking "nah...probably not." Learned enough about the process I know I -could- make a successful batch but don't really see the need to do it. That's a good place to leave it.
Friday, April 28, 2017
Day 343
Okay day.
Still cranky but escapist fiction seems to be adequate therapy. Having a bowl of ice cream first thing when I got home didn't hurt either. So glad it is Friday which means carry out for dinner and no need to make stupid lunches for the next day.
Surprisingly tired...but that's what bed is for.
Still cranky but escapist fiction seems to be adequate therapy. Having a bowl of ice cream first thing when I got home didn't hurt either. So glad it is Friday which means carry out for dinner and no need to make stupid lunches for the next day.
Surprisingly tired...but that's what bed is for.
Thursday, April 27, 2017
Day 342
Moody day.
Did everything I had to do but was just in a funk all day - probably just all the week's events catching up to me. In addition to my own shit there's been family stuff going on.
At least when my cheeks got all flushed after dinner I realized it wasn't "oh gee what did I eat that's disagreed with me?" but a hot flash. Then I felt stupid for not figuring it out long ago but I'm the only child OF an only child and my mother had a surgical menopause at age 40 and got slapped on Premarin so I had no frigging clue. And I suppose if I'm stoic/stupid enough not to realize "that much pain for that long equals broken" then I'm stoic/stupid enough not to realize "flushed cheeks and a general sense of frustration is a hot flash."
I should maybe stop being so down on myself, huh?
Tomorrow is a whole new day.
Did everything I had to do but was just in a funk all day - probably just all the week's events catching up to me. In addition to my own shit there's been family stuff going on.
At least when my cheeks got all flushed after dinner I realized it wasn't "oh gee what did I eat that's disagreed with me?" but a hot flash. Then I felt stupid for not figuring it out long ago but I'm the only child OF an only child and my mother had a surgical menopause at age 40 and got slapped on Premarin so I had no frigging clue. And I suppose if I'm stoic/stupid enough not to realize "that much pain for that long equals broken" then I'm stoic/stupid enough not to realize "flushed cheeks and a general sense of frustration is a hot flash."
I should maybe stop being so down on myself, huh?
Tomorrow is a whole new day.
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
Day 341
Better day.
Ridiculously tired all day but in a better headspace. Have adopted "full-on crone" as the term to describe this hey-now-I'm-menopausal thing because I find it amusing. Have accepted the whole fucking-_surgery_-man thing too.
It was double site visit day so I took myself to lunch in the nearby college town. Discovered the Thai place I wanted was closed on Wednesdays so I went to the Mexican place nearby and learned that a "torta" is basically just a sandwich although the bread is warm and soft and vaguely reminiscent of an English muffin. Interesting but not something I'll get again.
Been burying myself in the Kindle app on my phone - nothing like escapist fiction when life gets too damned complicated. Also been pretty committed to my walking lately too - haven't lost an ounce but I definitely feel better so it's worth the effort. As I've seen in social media..."gosh I really regret that workout" said Nobody Ever. I'm far from "workout" but I do always feel better after a walk even if I really really didn't want to start it.
Doin' okay. Hell, all things considered doing freaking great. Creeping up on a whole -year- sober which is awesome and still pretty unreal-feeling.
Ridiculously tired all day but in a better headspace. Have adopted "full-on crone" as the term to describe this hey-now-I'm-menopausal thing because I find it amusing. Have accepted the whole fucking-_surgery_-man thing too.
It was double site visit day so I took myself to lunch in the nearby college town. Discovered the Thai place I wanted was closed on Wednesdays so I went to the Mexican place nearby and learned that a "torta" is basically just a sandwich although the bread is warm and soft and vaguely reminiscent of an English muffin. Interesting but not something I'll get again.
Been burying myself in the Kindle app on my phone - nothing like escapist fiction when life gets too damned complicated. Also been pretty committed to my walking lately too - haven't lost an ounce but I definitely feel better so it's worth the effort. As I've seen in social media..."gosh I really regret that workout" said Nobody Ever. I'm far from "workout" but I do always feel better after a walk even if I really really didn't want to start it.
Doin' okay. Hell, all things considered doing freaking great. Creeping up on a whole -year- sober which is awesome and still pretty unreal-feeling.
Tuesday, April 25, 2017
Day 340
Not a great day.
Woke up out of weirdly disturbing dreams to an email from my new endocrinologist. Remember how happy I was last week about how I wasn't going to need surgery? Yeah, well...all the labs are back and now it looks like I DO need surgery:
----------------------
Your calcium as well as PTH level has slowly gone back up in the range consistent with diagnosis of primary hyperparathyroidism. In the absence of any other identifiable cause for low bone mass + with history of non-traumatic fibular fracture + Young age --> you are a candidate to be considered for parathyroid surgery by Dr. R If you agree, I will place an order for neck ultrasound and sestamibi scan to localize over-active parathyroid before sending you back to Dr. R.
-----------------------
Talk about feeling sucker-punched. I didn't realize till I got that email just how much I didn't want surgery. Yeah, sure, logically I know it's the right thing to do otherwise my bones will continue to get increasingly flimsy and I definitely don't want another stress fracture - one was more than enough - but emotionally I'm not so great with any of this. Not the neck surgery which I KNOW carries the risk of injuring a certain nerve which would mess with voice, smell and taste...and definitely not the whole general-anesthesia idea: I read Coma at the impressionable age of 11 and it's stuck with me all these years, see.
Also, if I'm being honest, I'm not at all happy with the idea of a scar on my neck, either...oddly enough, my neck is one of the things I'm kind of vain about. I have such a short neck I always wear open/V-neck tops otherwise I get way too much snowman effect. I hope it's a good-looking scar because I'm not going to change what I wear this late in the game.
In any case I spent the whole morning pretty much in a fog/funk/depression and my very practical-minded not-terribly-sympathetic family didn't really help all that much. I wanted sympathy over sensibility...but I'm doing better now. The drive to and from my site visit helped me come to terms with things and the practical aspects of scheduling the imaging (radioactive stuff! I might glow in the dark! Okay, not really) and the various visits helped too.
Boy I hope my fancy toffee comes today...I could use some candy therapy
[A bit later]: The doctor wanted to do estradiol and FSH levels to see whether or not I was in menopause (I had endometrial ablation 6 years ago; can't recommend it highly enough) because it makes a difference how they interpret bone scans. Those results are just in and I am post-menopausal. Yippy-skippy. Surgery and menopause all in the same day; ain't it just so special ?!!?
[much later]: The toffee -did- come, praise be. Ate one package of 5 little squares all by myself then shared a second with Youngest and ABL. That leaves two more for later.
Of course this day being what it is, ABL had to get pushy about dinner. Yeah well. Dinner was insanely easy: Stouffers mac&cheese and microwave-steamed broccoli. Went into close-down-the-mountain mode and crashed on the couch both before and after dinner which seems to be helping as did texting with Middle about the events of the day.
Had dying bananas so I made banana bread which is now in the oven. I'm back on the couch till it's done then it will be off to beddy-bye. Banana bread and bed are definitely better than booze. Even on a lousy day like today. Especially on a lousy day like today.
Woke up out of weirdly disturbing dreams to an email from my new endocrinologist. Remember how happy I was last week about how I wasn't going to need surgery? Yeah, well...all the labs are back and now it looks like I DO need surgery:
----------------------
Your calcium as well as PTH level has slowly gone back up in the range consistent with diagnosis of primary hyperparathyroidism. In the absence of any other identifiable cause for low bone mass + with history of non-traumatic fibular fracture + Young age --> you are a candidate to be considered for parathyroid surgery by Dr. R If you agree, I will place an order for neck ultrasound and sestamibi scan to localize over-active parathyroid before sending you back to Dr. R.
-----------------------
Talk about feeling sucker-punched. I didn't realize till I got that email just how much I didn't want surgery. Yeah, sure, logically I know it's the right thing to do otherwise my bones will continue to get increasingly flimsy and I definitely don't want another stress fracture - one was more than enough - but emotionally I'm not so great with any of this. Not the neck surgery which I KNOW carries the risk of injuring a certain nerve which would mess with voice, smell and taste...and definitely not the whole general-anesthesia idea: I read Coma at the impressionable age of 11 and it's stuck with me all these years, see.
Also, if I'm being honest, I'm not at all happy with the idea of a scar on my neck, either...oddly enough, my neck is one of the things I'm kind of vain about. I have such a short neck I always wear open/V-neck tops otherwise I get way too much snowman effect. I hope it's a good-looking scar because I'm not going to change what I wear this late in the game.
In any case I spent the whole morning pretty much in a fog/funk/depression and my very practical-minded not-terribly-sympathetic family didn't really help all that much. I wanted sympathy over sensibility...but I'm doing better now. The drive to and from my site visit helped me come to terms with things and the practical aspects of scheduling the imaging (radioactive stuff! I might glow in the dark! Okay, not really) and the various visits helped too.
Boy I hope my fancy toffee comes today...I could use some candy therapy
[A bit later]: The doctor wanted to do estradiol and FSH levels to see whether or not I was in menopause (I had endometrial ablation 6 years ago; can't recommend it highly enough) because it makes a difference how they interpret bone scans. Those results are just in and I am post-menopausal. Yippy-skippy. Surgery and menopause all in the same day; ain't it just so special ?!!?
[much later]: The toffee -did- come, praise be. Ate one package of 5 little squares all by myself then shared a second with Youngest and ABL. That leaves two more for later.
Of course this day being what it is, ABL had to get pushy about dinner. Yeah well. Dinner was insanely easy: Stouffers mac&cheese and microwave-steamed broccoli. Went into close-down-the-mountain mode and crashed on the couch both before and after dinner which seems to be helping as did texting with Middle about the events of the day.
Had dying bananas so I made banana bread which is now in the oven. I'm back on the couch till it's done then it will be off to beddy-bye. Banana bread and bed are definitely better than booze. Even on a lousy day like today. Especially on a lousy day like today.
Monday, April 24, 2017
Day 339
Good day.
Woke up way too early even by my standards - 5:40 ferpitysake! Once I was over that fact though, it was a pretty easy day. The meeting was as long and tedious as I expected but it was a simply beautiful day for my walk afterwards.
Got home & my 23&Me kit was in the mail as well as a used book I totally forgot I ordered so that was grand. The cheese enchiladas weren't as good as last time but still plenty tasty and I got all the chores done early in the evening.
I heard the knitting instructor who was the reason I went on the cruise last year might be doing one on a different cruise line in '18 or '19 so that right there is enough to push me into the saving-money mode I had been working toward anyway...we'll see how that goes. I tend to go through long chunks of frugal followed by bursts of spending. Gonna try to stay entertained with the toys I already have for a while.
Woke up way too early even by my standards - 5:40 ferpitysake! Once I was over that fact though, it was a pretty easy day. The meeting was as long and tedious as I expected but it was a simply beautiful day for my walk afterwards.
Got home & my 23&Me kit was in the mail as well as a used book I totally forgot I ordered so that was grand. The cheese enchiladas weren't as good as last time but still plenty tasty and I got all the chores done early in the evening.
I heard the knitting instructor who was the reason I went on the cruise last year might be doing one on a different cruise line in '18 or '19 so that right there is enough to push me into the saving-money mode I had been working toward anyway...we'll see how that goes. I tend to go through long chunks of frugal followed by bursts of spending. Gonna try to stay entertained with the toys I already have for a while.
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