Day 406

A lousy day in the neighborhood.

Lotta work, lotta work politics and my plans to get an ice cream cone for dinner on the way home were thwarted because Youngest needed rescued from a lousy graduation party in the middle of nowhere in the middle of a thunderstorm.

Then the cable & internet went out.

But it's over and I can sleep in as late as I feel like.

Day 405

The retreat was long and parts were hugely boring and some of it was depressing and I hated damned near all of it. But it's over for another year.

I didn't get ice cream for dinner after all because I just wanted to be -home- but I probably should have because...

...for the first time in Just Ages the thought of a drink popped into my head. Only briefly and in adding but it was there in response to just not being comfortable in my own skin - that frustrated irritable not quite sad not quite angry but definitely not happy state. I was sitting on the couch wishing I felt just about any other way than what I was feeling when - boom - there it was. The thought about one of those beers I passed by in the way out of the retreat and I didn't  even -like- beer when I drank. But just as quickly as it came it left again so that was that.

Now I'm in bed which is a nice safe place to be. Tomorrow starts my Very Busy Month at work.

Day 404

An okay day.

Took a walk for the first time in ages; that was nice.
Learned that a director I like was abruptly let go; that wasn't nice.

I have an all day "leadership retreat" tomorrow which I am really dreading and do -not- want to do but duty calls. Trying to decide what my treat for afterwards will be. Maybe ice cream for dinner. Maybe not.

I really appreciate the inner calm which has come with sobriety. I still get upset but there aren't as many bizarrely euphoric "ups" or crashingly low "downs." Weebles wobble but they don't fall down.

Day 403

Wow it really is four hundred and three days; that feels good.

So does -finally- having a scarf pattern for my pretty yarn -- there's been much ripping out and starting over in the past three days.

Did indeed take myself to lunch and it was wickedly efficient -- they have "speedy lunch service" totally covered. I got pad Thai because the last and only time I had it was in 1990 in west Philadelphia...and I hadn't liked it. I figured I might as well try again. Still not -that- crazy about it but it's moved from "blech" to "okay."

Otherwise things were uneventful which is fine.

Day 402

And now I'm home.

It was really hard to leave. The trip had more than the usual amount of bad/thoughtless/downright crazy drivers, too. But I managed.

Also managed to get the menus planned and groceries purchased and a dinner prepared that could stretch to feed the two friends visiting Middle...though I don't think they ate after all.

•I• had an ice cream cone for dinner - first one in over a decade I'm sure. At some point during my childhood I specifically switched from cones to "in a dish please" and kept announcing "I don't like ice cream cones" so long I believed it myself...but the real reason I switched was because family members criticized -how- I ate cones. I can't recall what it was they thought was so wrong but I do recall thinking "okay then...it won't be a problem any more."

After taking her SAT Youngest specifically asked to stop for ice cream and she made her waffle cone look like a nice enough experience that I filed it away under "something to try later."  Today was the later and I enjoyed it very much.

Gonna take myself to lunch tomorrow too I think. Gotta do the "big loop" of site visits to affiliates and I have to go though the nearest city of size on the way back and it's not Wednesday (the day they stay closed) so I think I'll hit the Thai place.

In the old days I would have hurried through the chores so I could start drinking and by now I would be drunk but wide awake would also have had a very lousy night's sleep when I eventually got there. Sober is just -so- much easier

Day 401

Last night of vacation. Ir wasn't the greatest. The family which stayed up there acted like jerks and the family down here did too. Hell, for all I know _I_was a jerk too. Don't -think- so but you never know.

In any case I did it all sober and that makes it definitely better. Even when-no, make that especially when there is drinking all around. Makes it all easier to handle.

But now I'm -awfully tired.

Day 400

Four hundred days is a really nice number.

Otherwise it was an uneventful day. I'm still pretty moody for no particular reason but I can live with it.