It is surprisingly easy to eat five to six ounces of chocolates. I know because the box of Assorted All Dark arrived in the mail today and I was both hungry and irritable due to some family drama. So that was dinner.
Little did I know that the family drama would take a new and surprising turn later in the evening. I’m still just stunned. Have prophylactically put myself to bed. Sleep may not help but it sure won’t hurt.
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
Tuesday, February 27, 2018
Day 647
Got a lot done today and even went for my first walk in over a week. If it weren’t for all the family drama it would have been a really great day.
Did something unusually self-caring though: decided not to cook dinner. Got home hungry and tired so I ate before doing anything else which was good as that’s when the curtain opened on another scene in the family drama and troubles always go better on a full stomach. Then I thought I’d feel better about it after a shower but I still didn’t so I announced that either someone would have to choose a specific carry out meal or it was going to be Fend For Self and nobody was particularly hungry anyhow so Fend For Self it became. And I wasn’t even too physically tired to cook just emotionally put out...but it turned out to be a far better choice than chopping up a bunch of resentment along with the vegetables.
Have a very tedious very mandatory 7:30 meeting tomorrow so it’s early to bed here. I have Annie Lamott’s _Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace_ though so it’s all good.
Monday, February 26, 2018
Day 646
I was in a public restroom with completely unflattering lighting today but as I dried my hands and looked in the mirror I stunned myself by genuinely liking what I saw. That’s sobriety: I’m finally the non-drinking person I wanted to be for practically ever. It took a really long time to get this far but it’s definitely worth the trip.
Sunday, February 25, 2018
Day 645
Hard day.
Woke up with the sore throat -again- after I thought I was all done with this not-quite-sick bullshit. Which made me moody and cranky and I got to the grocery late and it was all just Not Great and the sore throat turned into wheezing.
A nap helped. Till I got too tired doing very little and blew up at Spouse in the early evening...not one of my finer moments. But we got over it and things went on and now I’m finally in bed for the night and that’s a good thing.
Woke up with the sore throat -again- after I thought I was all done with this not-quite-sick bullshit. Which made me moody and cranky and I got to the grocery late and it was all just Not Great and the sore throat turned into wheezing.
A nap helped. Till I got too tired doing very little and blew up at Spouse in the early evening...not one of my finer moments. But we got over it and things went on and now I’m finally in bed for the night and that’s a good thing.
Saturday, February 24, 2018
Day 644
Better still.
Woke up way too early but after dealing with the critters I got some more sleep so that was good. Only today after having so much more energy did I realize how completely drained I had been pretty much all last week. Once again mistook physical illness for depression; why can’t I just be “a little bit under the weather” or “a little sick” or even “coming down with something?” Oh wait: because my mother had Big BIG issues with and crazy around “sick.” Maybe I’ll be able to work through that eventually.
In the meanwhile it was nice to feel better though around three in the afternoon I felt like a deflating balloon. We had Party Food Dinner though; that’s always ridiculously easy and a big hit with everyone so that helped.
Sleep always helps too.
Woke up way too early but after dealing with the critters I got some more sleep so that was good. Only today after having so much more energy did I realize how completely drained I had been pretty much all last week. Once again mistook physical illness for depression; why can’t I just be “a little bit under the weather” or “a little sick” or even “coming down with something?” Oh wait: because my mother had Big BIG issues with and crazy around “sick.” Maybe I’ll be able to work through that eventually.
In the meanwhile it was nice to feel better though around three in the afternoon I felt like a deflating balloon. We had Party Food Dinner though; that’s always ridiculously easy and a big hit with everyone so that helped.
Sleep always helps too.
Day 643 (and a half.)
Had this in my email this morning and it's too good and serendipitous not to share:
https://medium.com/spiralbound/my-first-year-sober-ef0e51b6ffca
So I posted that much as “Draft” early Friday (now yesterday) morning and never got back to it.
Stayed up with family later than usual then answered some email from bed and fell asleep before blogging. Very unusual but relatively harmless I guess.
Had a lot of free-floating anger, resentment and sadness yesterday - I suspect it might be seasonal or biochemical or something because a raise I wasn’t 100% sure was happening -did- happen yesterday and I was _still_ in a pissy mood.
So far this morning seems a little brighter.
Thursday, February 22, 2018
Day 642
Better day.
Still plenty of room for improvement but not nearly so [pick any negative adjective] as yesterday. Got myself a couple Kindle books from my wishlist and had a really nice online interaction so there was definitely good in the day as well as the not so good.
Tomorrow should be easier at work than today was - that will help too.
Sober always helps. Always.
Still plenty of room for improvement but not nearly so [pick any negative adjective] as yesterday. Got myself a couple Kindle books from my wishlist and had a really nice online interaction so there was definitely good in the day as well as the not so good.
Tomorrow should be easier at work than today was - that will help too.
Sober always helps. Always.
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