Day 1271

Long time no post.

It’s for a really common reason, too: alcohol in my life again. Just not my personal life. It’s touching - oh hell, fuck “touching” it’s rubbing really hard against a couple-few really close people in my life. Of course it’s a story but not MY story so I’ve just been keeping mum. As I’ve said a million times of late: I’m not ever gonna say anything about anyone else’s substances.

What I can say is that my own and my husband’s health are both doing just fine. I had my stitches out, got off narcotics and have weaned out of the sling. Got permission to drive but not to start PT yet. It is Bothering me to be out of work this long but every day I notice at least one thing that I couldn’t do before the surgery. I also notice every day at least one way in which I un-knot a little more emotionally from The Summer Of Healthcare.

I’m bad about recognizing low level pain AS pain. Turns into sadness/depression along the way. Family says “why so down?” I say “I’m not” then realize I’ve been using/doing -and- overdue for meds, which consist of Advil and Tylenol. Then in an hour I’m not so sad. I’ve also learned caffeine helps with all of the above. It’s worth doing too, as the other thing untreated pain makes me is mean-mouthed. Not as bad as a drunk with issues but definitely in that too-much-truth-too-bluntly kind of way.

Anyhow I percolate along. There are moments when I think I might explode in sheer frustration but there are also moments when I can appreciate the quiet satisfaction of just simply being. It’s a lot easier to do life sober although I know it absolutely doesn’t look like that from the drinking side of the street. Yeah, well...after three and a half years I STILL do not miss hangovers one single bit. Not a smidgeon.

Stay strong.