Long day with bad work stuff at both ends of it. But the family took care of dinner and critters so when I -did- finally get home I didn’t have to do anything.
And I’m in bed early for a change which is nice.
Monday, October 8, 2018
Sunday, October 7, 2018
Day 867
Better day. The bar was set pretty low so it wouldn’t have taken much but still, better is better.
I mean yeah sure the day started way too early with dogs barking and chewing right through the new leash (dammit!) but I also got a nice two-hour chunk of uninterrupted alone-time to indulge in polymer clay so it balanced on the good side.
Oh there was still a fair bit of resentment but overall it was hugely better than yesterday. I’m in bed at a decent hour and not miserable so hooray!
I mean yeah sure the day started way too early with dogs barking and chewing right through the new leash (dammit!) but I also got a nice two-hour chunk of uninterrupted alone-time to indulge in polymer clay so it balanced on the good side.
Oh there was still a fair bit of resentment but overall it was hugely better than yesterday. I’m in bed at a decent hour and not miserable so hooray!
Saturday, October 6, 2018
Days 865 and 866
Sorry about yesterday. By the time my head hit the pillows last night I wasn’t capable of anything except sleep. Life just keeps coming. Family drama, work uncertainty, doggie chaos — and today we discovered the washing machine faucets started leaking. Not the hoses of the new installation but the faucets themselves.
I had a little meltdown. Cried on the bed for a bit then watched a YouTube video and fixed the cold water faucet. Improved but did not fix hot water but I gave it a rest for now. We can do cold water loads indefinitely.
Ate way too much today but didn’t drink so I still win.
Someday it will get easier. It has to.
I had a little meltdown. Cried on the bed for a bit then watched a YouTube video and fixed the cold water faucet. Improved but did not fix hot water but I gave it a rest for now. We can do cold water loads indefinitely.
Ate way too much today but didn’t drink so I still win.
Someday it will get easier. It has to.
Thursday, October 4, 2018
Day 864
Another really hard day. Right in the middle of it Eldest had a bunch of feelingsdrama which included hanging up on me twice, I didn’t get to go to lunch as I had planned, the dogs acted out and the Chinese restaurant screwed up my order.
I’m glad I’m an emotionally strong person but I’m just so tired of having to be the emotional anchor for so many ships. It would be nice to be the cared-for instead of the caregiver once ina while...but that doesn’t seem to be on the current menu. Sigh.
This is exactly the sort of thing that used to send me right to “fuck this; let’s drink” and I’m really glad I don’t do -that- any more since it made things worse not better. I realize staying sober under this kind of emotional stress is a significant accomplishment but even that feels more like a basic necessity to get through all this stuff and less like a source of pride.
Maybe a decent night of sleep will help. Sure couldn’t hurt.
I’m glad I’m an emotionally strong person but I’m just so tired of having to be the emotional anchor for so many ships. It would be nice to be the cared-for instead of the caregiver once ina while...but that doesn’t seem to be on the current menu. Sigh.
This is exactly the sort of thing that used to send me right to “fuck this; let’s drink” and I’m really glad I don’t do -that- any more since it made things worse not better. I realize staying sober under this kind of emotional stress is a significant accomplishment but even that feels more like a basic necessity to get through all this stuff and less like a source of pride.
Maybe a decent night of sleep will help. Sure couldn’t hurt.
Wednesday, October 3, 2018
Tuesday, October 2, 2018
Day 862
A little better, I think. Had a Big Mad in the middle of the day but worked around it. Dishwasher got fixed so one down, one to go in the appliance world.
The food thing could use work but I’m still not pushing it. Too much other stress in my life right now and I’m still a little shocked at how strongly and easily that wanting to drink showed up the other day. Best to step way back to what I did when that voice was still on the scene more regularly and if that includes ice cream for lunch so be it.
The food thing could use work but I’m still not pushing it. Too much other stress in my life right now and I’m still a little shocked at how strongly and easily that wanting to drink showed up the other day. Best to step way back to what I did when that voice was still on the scene more regularly and if that includes ice cream for lunch so be it.
Monday, October 1, 2018
Day 861
Work still rough but I planned ahead and made myself a nice breakfast instead of relying on the cafeteria and that was helpful. Planned a super-easy dinner which was also helpful. Feeling a little closer to baseline. Happy to be in bed for the night.
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