Day 1432

1432 saw birth of the Ghent Altarpiece and death of a Cypriot king. It's also a month to the day till my four-year soberversary.

Blogfriends it's been rough. Not the sobriety; all the rest of it. This virus has brought out the "People Gonna People" in everybody and I'm too emotionally fragile from the year I just had to be very good at dealing with any of it. Which is why I electronically asked my primary care doc about a referral to a head doc. I kinda knew I needed help getting to a better place but the final trigger was one of those dumb online quizzes where I scored an eight of eight and thought "maybe I should stop waiting to see if it gets better on its own." Rest of family visibly relieved; that was interesting. So now I'm waiting to hear back which can take up to three days which tomorrow will be so I will re-send or something on Thursday if I haven't heard.

I'm still mostly functional just not very happy. But I'm working on changing that.

I'm so glad I got sober first. And until I typed it for you guys up there it didn't even register that today was the one-month-before...so it's good I wrote a blog post.  I remember when each month was a huge milestone and I just couldn't even think of being where I am right now. The idea that the whole front-and-center of it all would just....go away...would have blown my mind. Completely.  And that's totally okay because we can only do what we can do right now.

It gets better but it takes a while to get really good. Keep chipping away at it. All of it is a learning experience. And times like right now? It's really sucking but damn at least I know it's not really sucking because of the booze, y'know? And I know how much -worse- it would suck with booze on board along with everything else. So there's that. Even now, feeling pretty crap, it's absolutely a given that sober crap is better.

Early bedtime always helps. Peace out, y'all.