It's my soberversary! 1462 days.
Wow.
Back when I first started my current job, so probably more than 15 years ago now, a co-worker was quietly celebrating HER four-year soberversary and I remember thinking that was both impressive and stunningly unattainable.
Yet here I am.
Me, of all people...someone who started thinking "gee I ought to quit drinking; it would probably be really good for me" back in my twenties. Yeah, well, it took a couple decades but I got here and it's a good place to be.
It's hard at first - really hard, not gonna lie - but every passing day makes it that much easier to keep going. Now it's just part of who I am rather than A Big Thing.
In fact, it's so much a part of the background that I'm not doing that much to celebrate: grocery-store bakery cake because of tradition. Thanks to COVID even though I shopped fancy cakes and Jeni ice cream and a couple online clothing stores I just didn't feel comfortable dropping much coin during a time of such economic uncertainty. My job itself is safe - praise be - but the possibility of pay cut is always still a thing so it feels more wrong to spend money than to save it and quietly enjoy this major milestone on my own.
Because really, it's all about the struggle in my head just like it's all about the struggle in your head(s.)
For sure this is the best thing I've done for my physical and emotional well-being ever. Hands down. No contest. Everything else pales beside it.
I do have one nice treat: my dear friend - the one so dear I call her my sister - sent me a top I thought for sure would be way too small and not only does it fit but it looks fantastic on me so I'm wearing that today. Still shut up in my office most of the time same as every other day but knowing I look great is the perfect accent for this day, I think.
For my handful of regular followers, the Zoloft is doing its job. Everything is still just as grim as it was but I'm not crying or raging over it any more and seem to be much closer to what I consider my emotional baseline. The increasingly complicated things my healthcare system in general and my department in particular are having to do for Covid are annoying but tolerable as opposed to devastatingly upsetting and that's a major win.
Wherever you are on your own journey, keep at it. Eventually it sticks.
Love to all.
