Sunday, December 16, 2018

Day 933

Not a great day by any stretch of the imagination and then I had technical difficulties with my phone. But hey, sober for the win. Even when life sucks, it sucks less without booze on board.

Friday, December 14, 2018

Day 932

Survived the week. Didn’t get a lot done and still have a pretty lousy overall attitude but I’m in bed early for a change and making the most of it. I can’t imagine living my convoluted life with alcohol still on board. Even when things suck, sobriety is a big act of self love.

Thursday, December 13, 2018

Day 931

Another long hard day but I had all three dogs piled on me in the easy chair for a nap and it was nice.

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Day 930

Wow I didn’t even realize it was an “aught” day. I mean yeah, yesterday being twenty-nine -should- have been the tip-off but things are so hard here right now that I’m not thinking at top efficiency.

I have, again today as I did last night, had a wave of calm compassion wash over me in the middle of Big Drama/Tension. This was Very Weird as I am -not- like that and it had a big from-the-outside-pushing-in feeling. Makes one wonder about spiritual sorts of things.

But now? Early bed. Well, no...bed not as way late as recently. Better.

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Day 929 u

Another really long really hard day. But I’m discovering I have a lot of strength in reserve. Glad I have it but wish I didn’t need it. Been discovering a lot of compassion too though.  

Monday, December 10, 2018

Day 928

I’m getting really tired of lousy days.

I’m getting particularly tired of the too-much-work day interrupted by some kind of family drama.
I’m also thinking my ratio of “doing for others” to “receiving from others” is approaching 1 closely enough that I’m seriously pissed about it...and wondering how I managed to be so compliant in allowing it to happen in the first place.

Most of all I’m completely weary of the constant expectation that I will be totally -fine- with whatever emotional landscape change might be happening, willing to go along with whatever rapidly changing plans might be made and happy to be a sounding board all evening.

Can’t decide whether I’m a misanthrope or I have a particularly needy family. Possibly both.

Sunday, December 9, 2018

Days 926 and 927

Weekend icky. Too much family drama, not enough down-time and three beagles.

But I didn’t drink so I still win.