Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Day 369

A bed-by-nine-thirty day.

Morning meeting, big road trip for work, other associated work nonsense and MiL's ongoing leg pain that my healthcare system keeps all but ignoring.

On the other hand I found a really good restaurant and had an awesome hot sandwich for lunch so that was something.

I'm quietly excited to be starting my -second- year of sobriety. Feels good.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Day 368

Not the greatest of days.

Walked into the office thinking I would have a quiet restful day because I totally forgot about the three-hour file review meeting. We got done early which was good because I had a different last-minute fix-an-acute problem meeting back to back with the first meeting. No more easy.

Some of you may remember that a recent sober treat was getting 23&Me genetic testing. That finally came in by email today (hard copy to follow.) You know how eavesdropping is always its own punishment? Genetic mapping seems to be the same way. I found out that ancestry-wise I'm genetically boring (what isn't British/Irish is French/German) but lucky me I have TWO copies of the late-onset Alzheimer's gene APO-E 4. Highest risk group possible. Most people have a less than 10% lifetime risk but I have a 2% risk by age 65, a 28% risk by age 75 and a 60%  risk by age 85 which is right around when my maternal grandmother got it. Joy. I know genetic risk isn't the only factor and we call people who rely on 60% effective birth control "parents" but it was still a helluva note this morning. Made me double down on my commitment to retire the very DAY I'm eligible for full benefits, that's for sure. I also ordered vegan Omega-3 fatty acid capsules and Lutein to act as an antioxidizer to go with it. Can't hurt; might help.

Also I can finally no longer ignore the fact that the dryer won't heat. Had much anger about that being One More Thing but after looking at YouTube videos about diagnosing a non-heating dryer I scheduled a service call from an authorized repair person. Not this Friday but next which is actually decent for this area but seems like forever away.

ABL's eavesdropping got him all worked up; he thought me talking about the dryer repair to Spouse had something to do with him (ABL not Spouse) going to the doctor which he hates. Got all stressed out in the kitchen. Had to talk him down.

But hey I'm dealing with the stuff and not getting too stressed and taking plenty of lie-down time on the couch with easy escapist fiction. It will be okay.

Monday, May 22, 2017

Day 367

Drove home. Rained pretty much the whole way.

Turned in the rental car, planned menus, bought groceries, cooked dinner, did laundry...and in between spent a lot of time flopped on the couch because capital-T Tired hit hard during the grocery shopping.

Oh but won $10 on a $1 scratch-off lottery ticket. That was nice...and I hope it is a harbinger of good things to come this week. But now sleep.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Days 365 & 366 - Soberversary!

Didn't plan to skip last night's post - fell asleep in the easy chair.

It's okay though since yesterday was Day 365 which is one year but today is May 21 which is one year by actual day. So they can both be Soberversary.

One year ago yesterday I drank for the last time. I had quit for a little over four months in 2004 then didn't even try again till 2015 when I realized in July I -really- needed to quit. Did almost two months and just over six months but this is the time which finally stuck. It's both absolutely ordinary and completely stunning all at once.

If you had told me three or four years ago I'd be able to celebrate a whole year of sobriety I would have been wistful but not very believing. "Too hard." Yeah well it hasn't always been easy but it wasn't nearly the gigantic overwhelming thing I used to make it out to be. And doing the sober thing makes so much of the REST of life so MUCH easier that it is totally worth it.

[Much later]

Didn't do anything special but Eldest made a cake which was nice. Also nice: had this house since August of 2013 but this is the first spring I've been here when the landscaping flowers were actually blooming. Five colors of iris, a couple rhododendron bushes and a lot-lot of laurel. Laurel flowers are so pretty they look like an artist's rendition of a flower all gathered up in bunches. Plus there was a mated pair of cardinals in the front yard. So that was all good.

Tomorrow I drive back to the other house. Wish I didn't have to but that's where the job is.

Here's to Year Two.

Friday, May 19, 2017

Day 364

Another day full of the crazy.

There was so much family nuttiness I threatened to buy one of those burner cellphones and start sleeping in my office. Got a laugh out of Spouse, which is hard to do. Humor is a far better coping mechanism than saving it all up to trade for really plastered.

Oh and getting a big bakery cinnamon raisin danish doesn't hurt either. Haven't had one in at least two if not more years so it was a very nice way to start the day. Stuck with me too, which I found surprising.

Still...I'm really glad to be in bed for the night. Really. Hugely. Glad. As I said on my way out of the family room,"I think only about six of every ten neurons are still working."

Tomorrow is a whole new day. Day -after- tomorrow is the official soberversary. Not sure how I'll celebrate.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Day 363

Another long day.

Did everything I needed to do. The family doesn't know yet but I'm in bed for the night at 9:36. They'll figure it out eventually.

Been eating a lot of sweets and not doing any walking this past week - too much chaos in all other aspects of life - but I'm just letting it ride. I'm not drinking and I haven't had any big emotional outbursts so everything else can just wait.

And now sleep...keeping oneself afloat in a sea of chaos is exhausting.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Day 362

Another day full of the crazy.

But it's over now...and I wisely spent most of the evening horizontal on the couch as all the stress of days previous is catching up to me. One positive note though: despite all the lunacy I've had no desire whatsoever to drink. Even at the stupid work shindig with wine last night. Just went straight for the water without a second thought about it.

Since I'm going to be at the other house I think the fancy cake is gonna have to wait a month. That's okay; I need a big time treat for then too.

It's really happening. So many years of my life I had this seemingly impossible dream but it is quite possible and getting closer all the time.