Day 709

Better day. Busier too.

It’s nearly midnight though so checking in is all I can do. Maybe one of these days I’ll write something leisurely.

Day 708

Hard day.

Weather, food shopping, other errands, one kid suck, another stressed, third keeping poor hours, dogs, Spouse...all day I felt like the grout holding together our little family mosaic.

But hey I didn’t drink so I win. And tomorrow will at least be a different day.

Day 707

My day count is an airplane. How ‘ bout that?

Today was a much better day. Slept till nearly -ten- for one thing which was stunning. Got bakery stuff for breakfast, everyone fended for their own lunch and dinner was carry out pizza so I did zero cooking which suited me just fine. Worked on my crocheted blanket and walked outside a fair bit. All good.

And now for sleep. Grocery list is ready for morning.

Day 706

Today was just full of the crazy. Work, home, pets - you name it; it had weird issues.

But I weathered it all. Go me. And it’s Friday which means a couple days away from work which will be good.

Last night I made lemon bars and a few became my dinner tonight - homemade baked goods, even from a mix, are just so much nicer than anything in plastic. Which reminds me: I ordered myself a set of good mixing cups and “set” includes the mind-blowing 2/3 and 3/4 cup measures. I’m pretty happy about that. I also got a microwave rice cooker which I already love although I need to tweak the times  as the first batch I made turned out a tad underdone. May try it for oatmeal in the morning.

But now it’s rather past my bedtime. I know I’ve said it before but it still bears repeating: the sleep improvement is an awesome benefit of sobriety.
R

Day 705

Such a long hard day on both work and home fronts. So many little frustrations.

Closed down the mountain and had a milkshake for supper. Bed now. Hoping to catch up tomorrow.

Day 704

What a day. Busy work, busy home, minor drama both places...but I took care of myself. Ditched the big stir-fry plan for heating up the meat (leftover pot roast) in the toaster oven and serving it with rice from the new microwave rice cooker I wanted to check out. Totally works but I need to tweak time. I’m thinking next time will try 15-20 min total time, all on 100% but oh man I’m never going back to pot on stove again.

Planned to eat half and save half of the M&Ms I got on one of my errands - nope ate whole share size myself. The sugar really hit the spot.

Must sleep.

Day 703

This afternoon I felt really drained. Like that machine in Princess Bride drained. I think it is all the family-drama stress coming home to roost. 

Then boy-beagle got loose. Got him back fairly quickly but it’s always awful because he isn’t as afraid of cars as he ought to be. Dumb dog.

But after that I babied myself all evening and now it’s time to call it a night. 

Day 702

It’s finally spring. That helped the day a lot and a good thing too.

Because of family stuff I had a lotta anger today but it’s dissipated now and I’m glad. I tried to deal with it as productively as I could which meant I did -not-  shove food in my mouth the way I used to pour booze into it. Harder than I thought it would be, especially when we ran out of hot water just as I wanted to shower, but I prevailed.

Tomorrow is a whole new day and I even have a nice lunch already packed. It’s all about the self love no matter how weird or hard or wrong that first seems.

Day 701

Better today. Slept in a bit and was just delighted not to have to go to the grocery store.

Most of the middle day was spent a couple towns over finding a prom dress for Youngest. We did - cute, too- but it was a slog.

Yesterday ended on such a poor note I think I totally forgot to mention that I won $5 on a one-dollar scratch-off lottery ticket - that was nice.

Today I had a small nap which helped hugely, too.

Day 700 - 23 Months

It’s here - I did it - huzzah! Seven hundred days. Twenty-three months. Almost two years. Weird thing is that even though I had been anticipating it I didn’t remember what day this was till quarter past four when I was going back out to the grocery for a second time. But that’s okay it’s still a great milestone even if I don’t do anything special today.

Even though there was drama last night, thanks to sobriety I remembered to put out butter so I could make oatmeal cookies this morning. Had six for breakfast because warm homemade cookies have magical healing powers. Youngest pronounced them “really good.”

But now sleep.

Day 699

Didn’t realize till right now that 23 months is also day 700. That’s cool.

Much of today was not cool at all. It started far too early, for one thing. After blogging I was all cozy in bed and sound asleep by 11:30 last night. A few minutes before midnight Eldest called with a health issue severe enough to do a better-safe-than-sorry ER visit. I, 300 miles away, did the text-text thing till I dozed off on couch around 2:30. She got Potential Bad Thing ruled out around 4 and was discharged around 6. There were many feelings all around

Got to work and discovered half again as much of it as usual. Then there was a new and different round of family drama.

Between family drama, work and weather I ate an entire extra breakfast in the wee small hours of the morning and bought a package of homemade oatmeal cookies at the farmers market instead of going for a walk today. It is one of those drag-self-through-invisible-mud kinda days. Annoying.

But I stayed sane and sober so I won.

Day 698

Up and down day. 

Easy work day but got sleeted on hard during my walk. That was how I learned I could zip my windbreaker again though, so bonus. 

Got to leave early but had stupid mandatory meeting with Youngest about senior class events which sucked away prime evening time and then family drama kicked in. 

Because others around me were drinking I briefly in passing thought “maybe that’s what I need” but just as briefly and in passing also thought “nah.”  

Gotta get to sleep now though as it’s an early day tomorrow with more work than I’ve had all week. See previous million posts about good sober sleep. 

Day 697

Another pretty good day.

Finally have a new admin assistant at work and she seems sensible. The tedious 4:30 meeting was shorter than expected and dinner went easier than expected.

Which is good because today was Day 3 of doing the first 3 things on the Body Groove Delicious Dance DVD and I’m definitely feeling it. It’s freaking -hard- to keep up even with all kinds of modifications (I’m old enough to remember Susan Powter) but it’s hard in a good way. Gee where have we heard that before?

I’m starting to look ahead to May 21 - a -two- year soberversary seems just mind-boggling to me. Like how could this even be happening? But here it comes, day by day.

Day 696

A good day.

Easy work day, had a walk at lunch, got to leave early and liked how the book I was reading ended. Plus dinner was super-easy (hot dogs) and I got through another 13 minutes of Body Groove while dying incrementally less.

Day 695

Easy back to work day and I’m grateful for that. Also my road trip tomorrow is canceled because the person I would be meeting is on vacation. That’s good too.

However I’m tired anyhow because now that vacation is over I’m trying to become more physically active. It’s good tired but tired all the same.

Saturday will be 23 months. I’ve been getting myself all sorts of little treats for having such a tough vacationbthis time but I think I’ll get myself a recliner as a nice big 23-month treat as now that Spouse is up here having a -second- family room recliner would be a very good thing indeed.

Day 694

Last vacation day and I kinda sorta -made- it good.

Had the shopping list all planned out the night before so it was easy to do it today and my son helped unpack and put away which is rare.

I made a couple good recipes but ended up, due to everyone’s various commitments, not having to do the whole Sunday-dinner thing after all so I had the best of both worlds.

Although there was a lot of stress, conflict, drama and work during this week there were also good things too. So it all works out in the end.

Tomorrow is back to work and who knows what might be waiting there?

Day 693

Got a lot done today. New mailbox, walked the front property line fixing split rail fence and contracted with Middle to do other yard work. Then went to see Youngest in a musical review and she was good. Not just Mom-good but extra audience enthusiasm during the applause good.

Plus the newest (and final, I’m pretty sure) book in a series I’ve been reading just came out.

And I still have yet another day before work. I think it will be okay.

Day 692

Today it all started catching up to me. Suddenly it’s Friday night, soon to be Saturday, and I feel like I didn’t really have a -vacation- at all. I knew it would be like this but the feelings still suck all the same. Plus I’m all bloated from the metric fuck-ton of carry-out food we’ve been eating so in just categorically down. But I still have Saturday and Sunday so that’s something.

I’ve been giving myself treats and trying to be as kind to myself as possible and that part is going okay. It’s the whole family thing that’s getting to me. But I’ve made it to bed so I can call it a day and start fresh tomorrow.

Day 691

Drove home with Spouse and girl-beagle. Long and mildly unpleasant but uneventful. Got carry out and some easy-fix food. Then took nice long shower. It’s good to be home.

There’s still family drama but I feel so much more grounded now.

Day 690

Lotta drama but also lotta good food and I managed to keep a good mindset. Spouse and I are headed back to the primary house tomorrow and I’m hoping that will at least shift the drama into an easier key.

I’m also really glad to have a three day weekend at home before going back to work, too.

Day 689

A somewhat better day.

It was our 29th wedding anniversary but it was also the day the dog got dental work under anesthesia so that dominated. Spouse was a nervous wreck but everything went smoothly.

The quinoa salad I bought last night turned out to have a fermented or moldy ingredient and was inedible — as fragile as I’ve been lately I took it harder than perhaps I should have done. Spouse was napping so I couldn’t talk up going out so I called ice cream and potato chips “lunch.”

Tomorrow I don’t have any actual tasks planned just a trip to a restaurant. Then Thursday I take Spouse and girl-beagle back to the other house and I still have a three day weekend.

I’m so glad I don’t drink any more. Makes everything easier.

Day 688

Another not-great day. Started with drama, errands in the middle and then minorlate-day drama. Sure doesn’t feel very vacation-y so far. But hey, I have that cruise in early September which -will- be a real vacation so that’s something.

I haven’t been tempted to drink but I’ve been eating too many sweets in a very emotional kind of way. Nothing huge and given the circumstances I’ve given myself permission to pretty much eat whatever whenever but it still feels kind of like a step backwards from where I had been a while ago.

Two of the nice things about sobriety: being able to hop into a car any time day or night to drive somewhere and not ever feeling ashamed of it. That lack of shame thing is huge.

Day 687

It was better here. Not great but better than yesterday for sure. Had an unusual-for-me afternoon nap and dozed off a few minutes ago which was my cue to go to bed for real.

Day 686

Not a great day.

Had to shovel snow to be able to get car out of the driveway to start my trip. Got here to the other house by noon and it’s been drama drama drama ever since. Eldest is...well, I guess “volatile” is a nice catch-all word to cover it.

Maybe tomorrow will be better. I absolutely did -not- want to drink so that was at least one good thing.

Day 685

Officially on vacation. Tomorrow morning I will wake up and hit the road to the other house - car is already packed. I hope it’s a good trip.

No wise thoughts but once again grateful and glad to be getting good restful sleep and waking up -not- hung over. It’s just -so- much easier this way.

Day 684

The power came back at 2am which of course woke me up but I got back to sleep quickly so that was okay. 

I was -really-good- at work today de-escalating a potentially ugly interaction so that was cool. Practically strutted to the cafeteria afterwards.

Spent all afternoon being therapist for Eldest by text and telephone so I was kinda glad Middle and Youngest had self-sufficient plans for the evening. I can only spread myself so thin, y’know?

Did absolutely _nothing_ this evening and was glad to do it. Now bed. Tomorrow will be a big churn day at work to get everything done before I leave for vacation.

I’m just so glad I quit drinking: there’s just no way I could have stayed reasonably calm while spinning all these plates if I were still drinking.

Day 683

Don’t know whether it was the giant heavy-carbs dinner or remembering to bundle up more but I slept considerably better last night. Good thing, too, as our power is out so I expect to sleep rather poorly.

Otherwise the day was just a day - still doing alot at work, still with the on-again-off-again sore throat and waves of fatigue, still trying hard not to get all full of resentment.

And now no power...but at least it was after dinner so we have been able to keep the fridge door entirely shut.

Time to attempt sleeping through the rest of the blackout.?

Day 682

Okay day, all things considered.

Slept very badly - kept waking up, sometimes out of bad dreams, and was so cold I thought we might have furnace problems again. Nope, just me. So I started off the day on a bad note and it never got much better what with a site visit and driving back through -snow-. It changed to rain by evening but was still disheartening.

Ate a big lunch then we had breakfast-for-dinner and I had too many waffles and was bloated all evening but it was a good and cozy kind of bloated. Now I’m having an early bedtime hoping to feel more like myself tomorrow.

At least there wasn’t any new family drama. Bonus.

Day 681

Good Monday at work; I hope it is a trend for the week.

On the other hand I’ve got family worries and even though things are going well there’s this whole alternating anger and sadness thing I can’t seem to shake. Mostly at night. But it will sort itself out eventually I’m sure.

Early to bed for me.

Day 680

Weird day again.

Had another drinking dream - don’t know what’s up with that. Woke up right afterward at 2-Something in the morning and after a bathroom break I ended up eating in the middle of the night which I haven’t done in forever. Went back to bed and of course got heartburn before morning which is part of why I don’t eat at night.

Shopping went well and the new spinach recipe I tried was great and I had a fine time listening to my audiobook while I finished - all the way finished - my sweater. Had a decent photo shoot with my iphone’s timer setting, posted everything to Ravelry and then the kids and I had Chinese food for dinner...but then I got a huge case of angry/grumpy and I can’t even figure out why. Actually I was off and on cranky all day for no reason at all. Well, none I can figure out, anyhow.

Probably it’s not wanting to go back to work - Youngest has tomorrow off and I caught myself gently mocking her for it (“lucky!”) which is very unlike me. I have a -lot- of work all week before my vacation starts and a lot of stuff to do to make it do that I -can- go down to the other house and frankly given all the chaos churning down there it doesn’t sound like it’s going to be very restful or possibly even very vacation-like.

But for now it’s bedtime and everything might look totally different in the morning.