Sobriety just served as the bedrock on which I stood to have some difficult but important personal conversations. Trust me — I know I sound candy-assed or like I “bought into it” and it’s fine if I do. Right now I know for deep true fact that sober is definitely the way to be and is better in every way. I wish I’d learned this great thing earlier in life but hey, now is good too.
The one thing is....it takes a while. What seems like a BIG while in the early days: every bit of 2-3 -months- not weeks. Six months is rocky: I lost a really good quit - the one right before now - at just past the six month mark which is how I started this blog in the first place. But if you hang in there the world just quietly opens up for you. The path, even when rocky and hard, is at least not also so dark. It shines a helpful light.
Saturday, November 23, 2019
Friday, November 22, 2019
Three and a Half Years
Last night someone asked the date and I said “the twenty-first” and realized “hey that’s my sober day I wonder how many months it is?” Three years six months is what.
How about that.
How about that.
Tuesday, November 12, 2019
Day 1271
Long time no post.
It’s for a really common reason, too: alcohol in my life again. Just not my personal life. It’s touching - oh hell, fuck “touching” it’s rubbing really hard against a couple-few really close people in my life. Of course it’s a story but not MY story so I’ve just been keeping mum. As I’ve said a million times of late: I’m not ever gonna say anything about anyone else’s substances.
What I can say is that my own and my husband’s health are both doing just fine. I had my stitches out, got off narcotics and have weaned out of the sling. Got permission to drive but not to start PT yet. It is Bothering me to be out of work this long but every day I notice at least one thing that I couldn’t do before the surgery. I also notice every day at least one way in which I un-knot a little more emotionally from The Summer Of Healthcare.
I’m bad about recognizing low level pain AS pain. Turns into sadness/depression along the way. Family says “why so down?” I say “I’m not” then realize I’ve been using/doing -and- overdue for meds, which consist of Advil and Tylenol. Then in an hour I’m not so sad. I’ve also learned caffeine helps with all of the above. It’s worth doing too, as the other thing untreated pain makes me is mean-mouthed. Not as bad as a drunk with issues but definitely in that too-much-truth-too-bluntly kind of way.
Anyhow I percolate along. There are moments when I think I might explode in sheer frustration but there are also moments when I can appreciate the quiet satisfaction of just simply being. It’s a lot easier to do life sober although I know it absolutely doesn’t look like that from the drinking side of the street. Yeah, well...after three and a half years I STILL do not miss hangovers one single bit. Not a smidgeon.
Stay strong.
It’s for a really common reason, too: alcohol in my life again. Just not my personal life. It’s touching - oh hell, fuck “touching” it’s rubbing really hard against a couple-few really close people in my life. Of course it’s a story but not MY story so I’ve just been keeping mum. As I’ve said a million times of late: I’m not ever gonna say anything about anyone else’s substances.
What I can say is that my own and my husband’s health are both doing just fine. I had my stitches out, got off narcotics and have weaned out of the sling. Got permission to drive but not to start PT yet. It is Bothering me to be out of work this long but every day I notice at least one thing that I couldn’t do before the surgery. I also notice every day at least one way in which I un-knot a little more emotionally from The Summer Of Healthcare.
I’m bad about recognizing low level pain AS pain. Turns into sadness/depression along the way. Family says “why so down?” I say “I’m not” then realize I’ve been using/doing -and- overdue for meds, which consist of Advil and Tylenol. Then in an hour I’m not so sad. I’ve also learned caffeine helps with all of the above. It’s worth doing too, as the other thing untreated pain makes me is mean-mouthed. Not as bad as a drunk with issues but definitely in that too-much-truth-too-bluntly kind of way.
Anyhow I percolate along. There are moments when I think I might explode in sheer frustration but there are also moments when I can appreciate the quiet satisfaction of just simply being. It’s a lot easier to do life sober although I know it absolutely doesn’t look like that from the drinking side of the street. Yeah, well...after three and a half years I STILL do not miss hangovers one single bit. Not a smidgeon.
Stay strong.
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