Days 886 and 887

Wow I’ve never skipped -two- days of blogging before. Not to worry; I’m still sober and all but it’s been surprisingly stressful for a “vacation.” Mostly, I think, because of my lousy attitude which I’m hoping is improving and will continue to do so.

My response to Saturday night angina was not worry but anger - how dare my body fail me in such an important way and - even bigger - how dare this be the life I’m living right now?! I always thought there would be all this time after I retired and although there most likely still will be, having a big ol’ brush with my mortality put me in kind of a sulk thinking the life I really wanted was a lot different from the life I’m currently living and that’s on top of the whole getting-used-to-being-middle-aged thing.

Then I turned 52 yesterday in an extremely low-key kind of way which is to say there was no fuss of any kind. We will say I spent the day “in quiet reflection” because that sounds a lot nicer than “kinda sulking” even though that’s closer to the truth. I don’t have to wear my splint but the hand still hurts too much to do a lot of stuff like knit and then this new health thing to deal with when I get back...

...and I still have drinkers in the family. I don’t talk much about it because it’s their story not mine but  for the past couple days that’s been pretty annoying too. Y’all have no doubt lived your own walking sober amongst the inebriated stories so you don’t need mine other than to say I’ve had that lived experience too.

But I am surviving. Sitting here in a quiet dark house waiting for Eldest to get up and ready so I can take her to the train station. Planning to do a load of laundry today and must remember to buy distilled water in the way back from the train station. Now that I’ve adapted to the fact that “time in the other house isn’t actually ‘vacation’ but its own thing” I think the rest of the week should be easier.

I hope so, anyway.