Been A While

I don’t know how I would have manage these past few weeks if I had still been a drinker. I’m so glad I don’t have to really even consider it.

One of my family is currently in an inpatient center to get help with personality disorder and an alcohol abuse problem and another family member is quitting alcohol on their own. I can write that now, since it is all happening, but you can imagine the few weeks before now were an explosion of dysfunction. And laundry.

I am so glad I put my own oxygen mask on first, y’know?

You can tell how much the family stuff was shaping my world — I totally forgot to tell y’all that my parathyroid surgery on Tuesday 3/19 went just fine. Flew out, had the surgery, did the post-op thing, felt good enough the night of surgery to walk a few blocks to a restaurant instead of eating hotel food, flew back the next day. It all went exactly as planned...and all ended up playing second fiddle to raging mental illness and alcohol abuse.

Yeah, I still have resentment. It’s diminishing all the time and isn’t nearly as big as other emotions like concern and compassion but I’m not gonna lie and say I’m not good and pissed that the life evenys if others have, once again, taken center stage ahead of my own. Fortunately I’m just tons better at dealing with my own emotions than I used to be and that’s a direct result of continued sobriety.

That’s not to say I’m -fine- with all of this — I’m bursting into tears on the average of three times a day - but that’s still better than drowning all the feelings with a bottle.

It is so worth it to get rid of booze. I’m able to actually -help- my family and that feels good. Also just by continuing to live as a non-drinker I’m a support person for their journeys which gives me a really warm feeling in my heart.