It is four thirty on Christmas Eve morning and I don’t want to be awake but have not yet been able to get back to sleep after having been awakened by yelling for the second night in a row. Eldest and her husband drove up a day early arriving late Saturday night and the high but manageable level of family chaos expanded into critical levels.
I’m still sober. I tend to have a mental “well of course” attached to that statement but maybe I shouldn’t because given all the volatility and the fact that there has been booze in the house I should give myself more credit. More like hey, I’m managing to stay sober in the face of huge adversity and that makes me both strong and grateful.
I am, however, really falling into bad food habits. Stuffing my face to prevent rage from erupting isn’t that far removed from drinking to stop feeling feelings. I mean yeah sure it’s a WAY lesser problem as nobody went into DTs from lack of Twinkies nor does anyone ever get pizza hangovers but it’s that same trying to block emotions with things and it’s SO easy to fall into.
But hey, awareness is the first step. And this is a short term thing.
Doesn’t -feel- short term.
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