Friday, May 27, 2016
Yes indeed, it is the night of Day 7 and I'm feeling pretty darned content. This time last week I was already good and drunk and not having nearly as good a time as 1) I thought I would and 2) I am right now.
It wasn't like that all day though - far from it. Spent most of the day sad for no particular reason. Not upset over any one thing but sad...and also draggy and unmotivated like you wouldn't believe. Belle says that during the first week do only what won't get you fired and that was kind of where I hovered today. But I allowed myself to websurf and then when the three o'clock draggies got really bad I indulged in chocolate with my double-strength tea and it helped. Some, anyhow.
Not enough to make me stop dreading bowling this week though. My autistic brother-in-law (hereafter ABL) moved in with us on May 1 and the one thing he really likes to do is go bowling so on Friday nights Youngest and I take him to the lanes in our local gym complex. May 6 was the first time in thirty years I'd been bowling and of course I sucked at it and didn't much like doing it but we were the only people in the place which took a lot of the curse off it. All day I'd been making it out to be worse than it was -- which I do with most everydamnedthing I don't know why -- but I managed to calm myself down by the time it actually happened mostly by remembering "whatever 'it' is, it is never as bad as you make it out to be ahead of time." That turned out to be true because after four weeks I'm starting to not suck so much. (Broke 100 both games which is kind of amazing, actually.)
I was kind to myself by ditching the original dinner plans in favor of picking up ready-to-eat from the grocery store and we got a chocolate cream pie, too. ABL thought the grocery store outing was grand fun and seeing him genuinely enjoy himself also boosted my mood. Fixing "too damned hungry" with food helped even more so that by the time I was soaking in the tub I could appreciate being completely aware and alert. It felt good.
"Hungry" reminds me though...that HALT thing has a lot of merit. I have mixed feelings about recovery language but "don't let yourself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired" is wise advice for all of us - including toddlers - to help prevent meltdowns of any kind.
I didn't pick out a specific Day 7 treat but I am totally looking forward to being able to sleep in as late as I feel like it tomorrow morning and that is a treat in and of itself. Time for bed and a book (well, Kindle app on my phone) and contentment.
Been a long time since I felt contentment. It's nice.