Sunday Makes Nine

Nine is almost ten and ten feels like progress.

Quiet day today; didn't leave the house.  Made a point of recognizing various feelings/states of mind as not necessarily what they seem. For example one thing I noticed after sobering up the last time around was that if I start feeling sad in the afternoon for no particular reason that actually means I'm hungry and just don't have sense enough to have the proper "hungry" cues and feelings. Well, that one is still quite true.  Whether it's an effect of the alcohol or the food issues or the crazy stuff going way back associated with the alcohol and food issues doesn't matter; what does matter is that if I'm feeling out of sorts in the afternoon, a snack will usually fix it.

Today I learned another one: "bored" is actually "tired."  Normally I don't have any problem keeping myself entertained. I was the latchkey only child OF an only child so I'm plenty used to my own company and now that I'm a working adult I'm always looking for playtime.  This afternoon, though, with a whole day to myself I found none of my usual toys (computer games, yarn stuff, book) a bit appealing and wondered what that was all about.  Was it some missing-booze thing? Nope, turned out I just needed a nap. Don't know why since I'm not usually a "nap" kind of person but once I stretched out on the couch and set the book aside I was out like a light and when I woke up about an hour later I was fine again. Something to file away for later.

Early bedtime for me though; even though I slept an hour later than usual -and- had a nap I'm perfectly content to call it a night a good hour earlier than usual.  Which is fine. Tomorrow is a holiday for me which means even more -restful- sleep and another good morning. There's just nothing like a whole string of sober mornings to start a nice feeling of self-esteem.

Still keeping the phrase "fighting complacency" close to my heart though. The days aren't all going to be easy, not at all.