Day 381

Long day.

Woke up stunningly irritable - after Youngest drove us into town and she had gone into school I was actually yelling out loud in the car "that was THE most annoying thing in the WORLD!" about her having driven even though it was no different from other days.

Had a big sad for no reason later in the morning. Figured all this was emotional or menopause hormones or something so I forced myself to get out in the fresh air for a walk at lunchtime but that didn't go well either.

Had a weary slow afternoon but was still just crying tired when I came home. I thought I was depressed but noticed right before a nap my throat had got real scratchy and after sleep and some dinner including pie I felt considerably better. So maybe the whole thing is borderline sick. I never seem to figure out "gee I'm -really- irritable and sad" is "dummy that's how your body deals with a virus so you don't -get- to the runny/drippy phase" till after the fact. Of course I didn't realize the afternoon/evening flushing was fucking hot flashes either ... I thought it was somehow related to eating and wondered what weird digestive issue or carcinoid tumor I had. Being raised by a mother who, in addition to being isolationist and crazy as hell _also_ wanted to be a guy left me absolutely woefully clueless about being a woman, especially an aging one.  She made sure I was fully informed on the booze front, that's ferdamnedshur....but that's an entirely different bottle of fish.

In any case I've been taking it very easy and whether it's physical or emotional I'm hoping to sleep it off. With nice actually-rejuvenating sober sleep.

Oh and I've got a new brownie recipe to try one of these days - that doesn't suck.

Gosh it's going to be -thirteen- months soon; how cool is that?