Friday, October 6, 2017

Day 504

“Tired” caught up to me with a vengeance today. Woke up out of crazy unpleasant dreams and stayed ridiculously sleepy all day. Got all the stuff done that I needed to do but it was a slog.

Didn’t need to deal with dinner which was a help but didn’t baby myself enough otherwise I don’t think. But at least now I’m crashed on the couch which is at least horizontal if not all the way to bed.

It’s been a rough week, family-wise. Every single family member had their own set of issues and I’ve been doing, IMHO, far too much emotional care-taking. Starting to be work not to fill up the bag of resentment despite my best efforts to carve out plenty of me-time. I don’t want to drink but I have found myself thinking “yeah, this was the shit you drank so much to avoid and these are the feelings you kept trying to blunt.” It’s better to feel feelings but not always easier. Well, -is- easier to deal with all this stuff sober and alert but it’s still not necessarily pleasant.

Definitely more pleasant than a booze-fueled argument or breakdown or the inevitable hangover. So at least there’s that.

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