Day 516

Up and down day.

Did my walk early in the morning which always feels good.

Mostly the day was about the home repairs which were finally finished at six thirty this evening. The tile guys wanted to start late since they had a nearby job which couldn’t start before five but they underestimated what needed to be done and how fast they could do it. They tried to tell me it was all done at 5:45 but they had very much rushed the edges of the grout where it abutted the cabinets so I politely made them fix it. I am very proud of myself for that as I am usually non-confrontational to a fault and have difficulty with conflict. However I kept saying to myself “we are paying X for this floor so it needs to be done right” along with a side of “after this they will not be coming back.”

Sobriety didn’t directly help with the above but I’m sure it did indirectly. I’m more centered and have a greater sense of self worth (absence of drinking shame will do that) so it’s easier to expect good things and to have potentially difficult conversations.

The floor looks great. Got too hungry, angry and tired for too long during the process though. Made sure to get something to eat and take time to sit and relax while I ate - that fixed me right up. At almost 17 months self care is finally feeling like a natural next step. Oh and speaking of self care, sometime between 4:30 when they had thought they would be done and the 5:30 walk-through I ordered myself a couple tops online from my phone as a reward for Dealing With the three days of removal/installation. I think it is important to reward oneself. Not only because it’s a way to show self-love but also because so many years were spent thinking drinking was the reward for everything and I don’t want that idea anywhere near me.

Tomorrow I’m sleeping in.