Day 576

Today was a hard day.  Not from a not-drinking perspective but from an emotional perspective.

Well, okay, a little bit from the not-drinking perspective: I found myself thinking in passing "ghAWD I wish I had access to benzos" and although I don't and never will that's still part of that whole slippery not-wanting-to-feel-feelings slope. Or at least -looking- at the slope. Which I suppose makes sense: I've got all the post-inspection work feelings, all the family-apart feelings all the two-households feelings and now there's this Christmas thing coming up and Middle had plenty of his own feelings today....sigh.

But I got through the day and didn't even massively overeat or anything.  Today when I did the shopping I -chose- the self-serve line over a real cashier so that I wouldn't have to stand behind someone I know from work and make small talk since I really don't like that person. Made a nice Thai curry for lunch today and two other days next week because it's way too cold for salad now. Used the excuse of getting gas (necessary) to poke around the Dollar General store for a very watered-down version of retail therapy: not so much the buying but the getting-out-and-away for a bit. Distracted myself with computer games. Did -not- eat every last holiday cookie or even -much- sugary stuff.  No more than any other day this week, anyhow.

Earlier I took a 23&Me questionnaire about stress and it became stunningly obvious that I feel like a lot of my life is totally beyond my control but also feel that I can still handle it. Don’t know whether that’s optimism or just stupidity!

DO know that I'm thinking early bedtime is a good thing for this day. Lunch is portioned and packed, dinner is done and stowed away in the fridge, nothing really appeals and I just discovered a brand-new patch of psoriasis so I'm thinking it's time to call it a night.