Day 596

Today was a hard day. Not in a sobriety sense but in a just getting through the day sense. The dog woke me up from bizarre action-adventure dream because he wanted out and that set the tone for an entirely off kilter day. While the dog did his business I noticed the digital porch thermometer said 13, thought “oh it warmed up like they said it would - I’ll start shopping early.” While  from the front door to the garage door (Yes I could go -through- the garage but it’s a tight fit to get behind the car to open the door and I didn’t want car-dirt on me) I thought “gee it sure seems cold” then I got in the car and once on the road I saw the -car- thermometer said the outside air was -negative- 16. So that was different.

Went to both groceries and after the second I was so sad and down I thought I might cry right in front of the kids as we put everything away. Only afterwards did the freezing cold and the muscle aches come. I don’t know why at this stage in life it-still- takes me by surprise that “depressed” is pretty much always the first symptom of “sick.” I know I’ve blogged about it at least once before — you’d think I’d learn.

Wow that last bit sounded not just harsh on myself but harsh in exactly the same way my mother used to be harsh on -her- self. Ick. In any case once I bundled up under blankets on the couch and took a little nap I felt better both physically and emotionally.

I liked my new sheets I -finally- got for my whatever-month-it-was treat so well that I got another set just like them and I think that. Arches me up on monthly rewards. Maybe. Maybe not. In either case Amazon showede a “flash deal” on a blanket for half price so I got that last week and just realized it will probably come by Day 600. So that’s nice.

I rather like that my sober rewards have been bedding-related lately: literally wrapping myself up. Brings to mind security, restfulness, comfort - lots of positive self-care words.