Saturday, July 29, 2017

Day 435

Bah. Too much family drama.

Slept a lot: straight through from not-quite midnight till eight which is rare for me. Got drive-thru breakfast for everyone so I didn't even have to get dressed. Well, "everyone" in this case is me, ABL and Middle as Youngest is down in the other house with Spouse, Eldest and SiL. Middle went to work and I finished the edges of the upstairs hallway floor tiles which not only took longer than I thought but also made me more tired than I thought.  Such is being fifty and completely deconditioned, I guess...but that project included cleaning both that hallway and the front hallway so the house looks considerably better.

Then the freaking family drama started and my day went kerblooey.  I was on the periphery of a big chunk of it but then Middle and I had what started off as a blowup and ended up as a commiseration session and although I can see that ultimately it was beneficial it was also incredibly draining. It also highlighted other family issues many of which relate to this bifurcated two-households thing and overall I ended up really bummed.

Too bummed to play my computer game, too bummed to read any of the books I've got going, too bummed to knit...I loafed on the couch managing the occasional game of FreeCell on my phone.  I had pretty much All The Sad going for a while.  Then I had ice cream.  Two bowls, even though I'd already had dinner and although I do feel better - I'm managing to blog! - that's also setting off all the body image/calorie/self-worth/etc tapes in my head.

Oh and I almost forgot: work called three times during the day too - one of them was a physician colleague whom I find particularly annoying.

I'm thinking it's early bedtime is what I'm thinking.

But not before reminding myself that even though it was a hard week and this day had too much hard in it I'm still WAY better off by -not- responding to "hard" with a whole lot of vodka. I might wake up with hearburn from the ice cream but I won't wake up dripping sweat with a racing heart and if I do wake up I'll be able to get right back to sleep as opposed to guzzling water to dilute the bile and mitigate the headache.

Plus my house is cleaner and I'm more fully present in my own life.  Even if it's sucky, it's still better sucky sober than sucky drinking.

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