Tonight I was far nicer on the outside than I felt on the inside. Glad to be - finally - in bed and hoping that since I -can- sleep late I -will- sleep late.
So grateful to be sober: it helps make difficult situations easier. That is completely 100 percent opposite what I would have thought and said three years ago but it's true. Not only am I not having my emotions chemically fanned in the moment but also a generally more even emotional landscape makes it easier to deal with whatever lands. Also not having to worry about "is that what really happened? Am I remembering correctly?" is huge.
Even if I don't sleep in a bit I will wake up feeling no worse than I do right now and probably better. Plus I will remember having gone to bed. These are all quietly powerful and good things.
Yes. It is so comforting to not worry I am mos-remembering events. I was always afraid I was at fault all the time. The guilt and fear were heavy.
ReplyDeleteNot anymore!
Plus, I don't engage as much. I have learned it just doesn't help.