Day 169
A strange but overall good day.
Woke in the wee small hours from -terrible- nightmare about abusive long-dead relative but got back to sleep right away.
Spent all freaking morning taking fancy car to fancy car dealership for routine service. Wore a sweater I made probably a decade ago which I recently unearthed -- I had gotten too fat to wear it but now I can again and I felt perfectly comfortable both physically and socio-emotionally. Decided to make myself another one only in bright red. Overcoming the sewing phobia seems to also include overcoming decades of my fashion statement being "camouflage." Figure if I'm makin' comfy yet stylish-to-me scrubs I can do the same with sweaters for tips as they are a step dressier than sweatshirts/t-shirts. The sobriety and turning fifty seem to be triggering a phase of working through birth-family shit...I feel like my head is readjusting itself to a better way of being.
Worked on a pair of long shorts/short pajama bottoms for Youngest today - the fabric is a leftover from when my mother made her a comforter. I was pleased at how all the Sewing Stuff is coming back to me but even more pleased that I knew to _stop_ when I started feeling tired.
Had plenty of pissed-off-ness too...not trying by -any- stretch of the imagination to imply I've somehow become enlightened or anything. A little less muddled, maybe. Was so sick of driving in dreary rural middle-of-nowhere by the time I got home at midday I was very snappish (and hungry didn't help either.) Spilled my tea not just once but twice today and got intermittently irritated by most, if not all, my family members. So it's a process...but one I doubt I'd be doing if I were still in that poor sleep/recover/fight guilt/repeat cycle.
Not that I'm -trying- to do any particular personal growth or anything...it seems to just be sort of happening but I'll certainly take it.
Woke in the wee small hours from -terrible- nightmare about abusive long-dead relative but got back to sleep right away.
Spent all freaking morning taking fancy car to fancy car dealership for routine service. Wore a sweater I made probably a decade ago which I recently unearthed -- I had gotten too fat to wear it but now I can again and I felt perfectly comfortable both physically and socio-emotionally. Decided to make myself another one only in bright red. Overcoming the sewing phobia seems to also include overcoming decades of my fashion statement being "camouflage." Figure if I'm makin' comfy yet stylish-to-me scrubs I can do the same with sweaters for tips as they are a step dressier than sweatshirts/t-shirts. The sobriety and turning fifty seem to be triggering a phase of working through birth-family shit...I feel like my head is readjusting itself to a better way of being.
Worked on a pair of long shorts/short pajama bottoms for Youngest today - the fabric is a leftover from when my mother made her a comforter. I was pleased at how all the Sewing Stuff is coming back to me but even more pleased that I knew to _stop_ when I started feeling tired.
Had plenty of pissed-off-ness too...not trying by -any- stretch of the imagination to imply I've somehow become enlightened or anything. A little less muddled, maybe. Was so sick of driving in dreary rural middle-of-nowhere by the time I got home at midday I was very snappish (and hungry didn't help either.) Spilled my tea not just once but twice today and got intermittently irritated by most, if not all, my family members. So it's a process...but one I doubt I'd be doing if I were still in that poor sleep/recover/fight guilt/repeat cycle.
Not that I'm -trying- to do any particular personal growth or anything...it seems to just be sort of happening but I'll certainly take it.
No comments:
Post a Comment