Day 177

And then it all went sour.

Still sober - fret not about that - but my left leg is amazingly sore and it is casting gloom over the entire day.

Eldest offered to come along on my walk and it was just so pleasant - walking and chatting and enjoying a beautiful day and the company. Then at -just-past- the halfway point (funnier that way of course) the lower outer part of my left leg started getting more and more sore with every step. Was okay standing still and pointing my toes but bearing weight and rolling off it were getting so painful I had to stop twice and still had a definite limp by the time we got back. Exquisitely tender to touch on the tendons about an inch above my ankle bone and stairs...oh they suck a lot.

So I'm thinking I have peroneal tendinitis and stunned by what a silly little kid response I'm having inside. Mostly over "now I have to break my walking streak, dammit!" I don't know exactly how or why the 10k-steps per-day became SO important to me but it did...so much so that I did laps around the living room the past couple nights just to hit the magic number. ( In retrospect that probably didn't help all that much what with all the plant-and-turn at the [many] corners.) Now I'm angry because I don't think I'll get past the 8k I have now and all the "but it is just a number" talk to myself isn't helping much. Not sure why I'm taking an actual freaking injury so badly but there are definitely mental voices telling me this is some kind of weakness or failure and that's kind of nutty.

Later:

A prescription-strength slug of ibuprofen and good Chinese food helped for a while...but even with the NSAID on board it still hurt to walk, amazingly so when I unexpectedly stepped on a piece of ice on the kitchen floor. I've gone from being mad to being resigned with a huge side dish of sad - this feels like the sort of thing which is gonna last at least past tomorrow which means I'm gonna be stuck dealing with it at work and I hate that but it can't be helped and now that the earlier dose of anti-inflammatory wore off I'm not even much caring as I mostly just want the pain to go away. I'm in bed for the night after taking real aspirin and a muscle relaxer -- not sure the latter will help in any way other than making me sleepy but right now that will be enough.

There was a minor family kerfuffle earlier and I burst into tears for a bit of a cry: rather unlike me but not really u expected, I guess. I was still dealing with low-level free-floating no-reason sadness -before- this damned leg thing.

No booze thoughts though, so that's good.

Here's hoping it is much better in the morning.