Day 283

Nothing like hitting the bed by 9:15 after a long weekend.

Drove home, was glad to see the family on this end and even didn't mind doing the grocery shopping on a weeknight...till I was leaving the store. After the checkout it was like someone pulled a string and I deflated - that's how fast and hard "exhausted" hit. Was all I could do to get the groceries into the trunk.

However instead of wondering why or arguing that I "shouldn't" be tired I just accepted it. Not only that but I got my kids and their visiting friends to haul the groceries in - me, accepting help! Big progress there. Made sure that food and bath followed as closely after stowing groceries as possible and that helped quite a bit. Acceptance seems to be a big part of my sober self-caring life - whether it is being hugely tired after doing nothing but driving all day or a crazy family situation or a really frustrating colleague the first step in taking care of  myself is to stop forcing or arguing or pushing or any of those other active verbs. Never mind "ought" or "supposed to" ... if I stick with "is" I can then figure out what the next thing is. It sounds so ridiculously easy you'd think I would have been doing it all along but it was surprisingly hard to build the habit of dealing with the moment. That whole ought/should thing plays right into both expectations and resentments and that plays right into the drinking voice/urge.

But now to bed.