Day 107

Another calm day.

Me, not the stuff in it, that is. Got up early and did the grocery thing. Came home and had a-huge- scoop of pebbles for my bag of resentment as I put everything away -around- the other family members. Was pissed they didn't even have a kind word for the process, even. Was far too angry to communicate effectively and didn't want to just spew emotion and end up having -myself- look like the Bad Guy so I took a dog and did yard work instead.

Discovered I have more stamina than when I was drinking. Still get just as achy afterwards but don't tire out as quickly.

After I worked off my anger I managed to have a rational and calm conversation about the grocery-arriving but I doubted then and still do that any true change will come of it.

Made some really good chocolate chip cookies from a new recipe then took a nap - both those were good. Entree for dinner was good but the sides were disastrous first time around and had to be re-done. Family was gracious but I was awfully pissed.

After dinner I had both dogs on the couch and thought we were having a nice lie-down...till I noticed my leg was wet. Girl-beagle had either fallen asleep and done the dog version of wetting the bed or else deliberately expressed her discontent at being stuck with me and boy-beagle instead of Spouse. While I was dealing with all that some lesser-in-my-opinion family drama was happening with the upshot being that I was invited to go hang out in a different part of the house with drinking family. Normally (like even last night) I would allow the guilt to pull me along but tonight I politely declined, read for a while and put myself to bed early...but not without spilling my tea first. Overheard Elsest saying "it just hasn't been her day" and couldn't agree more. Except for the cookies, that is...though even then I discovered I was out of parchment paper midway through.

What strikes me about all of this is that although I had a bunch of stuff pushing me off-center I bounced back relatively quickly. Sure I got mad and sure I did plenty of cursing but I got -over- it much faster. Returned to steady-state sooner. In previous times the morning grocery resentment alone would have been enough to justify not just drinking but starting earlier and having a bit more especially as tomorrow is a holiday.

Weebles wobble but they don't fall down.