Friday, September 9, 2016

Day 112

An unsettled day.

Not comfortable in my own skin. You know the feeling. No particular issue or problem just a vague emotional discomfort leaking into everything. Lousy attention span. Wanting something but no clue what the something is. Lots of consideration but no action.

Yeah, well, I rolled with it. Put myself to bed early and am delighted to have zero - not a single one - items on my To Do list for tomorrow. Oh I have a vague desire to try a new brownie recipe and if I do it first thing in the morning there's breakfast but not doing it at all is fine too.

I am slowly learning that it is okay to Not Do. There is no scorecard, there are no midterm grades and the people who love you do so because of who you are not what you do for them. Emphasis on "slowly" because it is a lot easier to type than to live. I've spent pretty much my whole life thinking that if I did everything Just So then I would get praise and emotional rewards from others and they would be inspired to do nice things to/for/by/with/at/about me in return. Ideally they would also know intuitively -which- nice things I would like. Yeah, well, that led to lots of resentment-filled "I -deserve- this" drinking so overall not a successful strategy.  "Fuggheddabouddit" seems to work better.


  1. As I was reading this I thought ahhhhh I get now where the pebbles of resentment come from. We all have a tendency to believe other people are mind readers and know what we want and expect when in reality nothing could be further from the truth. We have to let others know what we want and expect and not set them challenges in our head they don't know about. I know cos I do this with my daughter ALL THE TIME. We are loved because we are loved and if someone buys you an ornamental phrenology skull cos they know you'd love it...... you sometimes just gave to pretend it's the best thing in the world.

  2. Yes, it's so true.
    I get myself into trouble when I don't let hubs know my expectations.
    He has his own expectations, and unless we talk about them, we can't figure them out!
    It is very ok to do nothing.
    I hope you had a wonderful day!