Day 114

Another calm day.

All mornings are better when you give up a regular drinking habit but I find Sunday mornings particularly nice. Gas for the car, groceries for the humans and home again all before nine.

I've been doing that very thing long enough now for it to feel like the new normal and that - the fact that it IS the new normal - is one of the sobriety joys that I really want to stop and appreciate in its full glory.

Old way: waking in the wee small hours, glaze of flop-sweat, big cloud of anxiety, fog of shame and self-doubt, tears, nausea and the endless bargaining with self and family over when/if/how to do the dreaded shopping. Possibly have a kid do it instead. No real plan.  Lugging bags in from the car and stowing stuff sucks. Wonder if your life is truly falling apart at the seams or just feels that way right then. Decide how quickly you can get back to a horizontal position and whether you might be able to go back to sleep. The flip side is the late-afternoon-early-evening flurry of activity to get all the chores done so as to be able to start the evening's drinking with a clear conscience while thinking about how to balance the alcohol and the fluids and the dinner so as to feel okay enough for Monday morning.

New way: grocery list and menus done the night before. Wake rested and clear-headed. Get the items on the list, possibly remembering something that didn't make it onto the list or altering on the fly to take advantage of an unexpected special. Follow the plan. Lugging bags in from the car and stowing stuff still sucks. Reward self for doing the sucky thing by sitting down with a pre-planned nice food item for breakfast. Decide what to do with the rest of the day.

It is just so much nicer this way.