Saturday, April 1, 2017

Day 316

Wow 316 is a big number. Good to see it too as it has been one angry day.

Went to sleep last night angry, woke up better then was angry again by nine and it's been coming and going in waves ever since. Nobody can push one's buttons better than family. But hey, I'm almost entirely through the day by now and I didn't drink so that's a win.

Have eaten way too much carb both relative to protein and categorically not just today but this whole long weekend...but in the grand scheme of things I don't much care. It isn't that I want to drink but that I want to Not Feel and alcohol used to be the easy ticket to Noshitsgivenistan. Now that's off the table so I've got to - gasp, horrors - live through the emotions and feel all the feelings. I'm a lot better at dealing with anger than I was a few months ago but it is still hard. Boredom is hard too and that's been next up after anger this weekend - I didn't bring any yarnstuff and my books are turning out to mostly suck.

But this too shall pass. Every day is a new chance to -not- be sucky. And even really lousy sober days contain the one gem of "this would be so much -worse- with a hangover or with fresh booze on board." So there's that.

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