Day 298

Snow Day.

Not just any snow day but up-to-my-hips blizzard day. Last time we had one of these was ten years and one month (to the day) ago and I slept at work that night. Today since I had nothing on my schedule I called out, bad example or not. Going in -just- for the sake of appearances and getting stuck overnight leaving my barely 17 year old in charge of a freaking-out-because-S-isn't-home autistic uncle didn't make any sense at all.

At first it was glorious. I cut out another top before anyone was awake and generally puttered about the house. Plow Guy was a good 90 minutes later than usual but as I wasn't going anywhere I didn't care. Two hours after he came I went outside and there was a good three or four inches of fresh snow and it had started falling harder so I did the sidewalk and one shovel-width up the driveway to the road just in case. Went down to the basement and sewed happily for a couple hours.

When I came up things - particularly my mood - started going sour. A LOT of snow had fallen and it was coming down really hard. Did another sidewalk-to-road bit and wore myself out because every bit of eight inches -fresh- snow had fallen. In two hours. Got back in and was very edgy and stressed...and unable to just accept the feelings. Kept trying to talk myself out of it with "there's nothing to be upset about..you have power and heat and plenty of food and even cable so no worries."  Yeah but I sat there staring out my kitchen window at the snow falling harder and harder and got more and more worked up in a very free-floating nonspecific way. It wasn't like I thought any particular bad thing was going to happen or even any bad thing at all -- I was just anxious and tense categorically.

Did too much stress eating too. Knew it was stress-triggered but still couldn't stop myself. Went downstairs to do more sewing to get the hell out of the kitchen as much as anything else.

At three I tried to clear just the sidewalk but gave up after only a few feet: just enough to give the dog room enough to do his business as the snow was already deeper than he was tall. Cleared that same little run three more times over the course of the evening too. Got really irritable on top of the anxiety  for a while - I remember sitting at the kitchen table thinking "I feel so damned lousy I'd even consider a drink just to stop -feeling- this way" but immediately told myself "oh you wouldn't either; don't be silly." Apparently enough uncommon stress can still trigger That Voice...perhaps it always will.

Finally after I got dinner on the table - broccoli cheddar quiche for Pi Day - my mood started lifting. Don't know why as the snow is still, even as I type, falling and drifting, but somehow I got used to the whole crazy mess. After dinner I took a nice long shower bath (shower first then fill tub & soak) which also helped...and now I'm having a lie-down on the couch and reflecting on my windburn and backache. School got canceled for Youngest around six so that's not an issue and I'm thinking I may well have another snow day tomorrow. Trying not to feel guilty about it.