Bah. Should get to sleep early tonight as Youngest has to be at school early for a rehearsal but I'm angry and anger is the absolute best emotion to kill sleep.
Had really long unpleasant work day then Eldest decided to do another round of "why did you let Middle have X when you wouldn't let me have Y?!" This, of course, by phone from 300 miles away. I credit long term sobriety as the reason I was able to stay mostly calm with the entire "away" family unit tonight. However that same long term sobriety is also why I now see several unhealthy emotional games being played and I think at least part of my anger is frustration at not being able to do One Thing about anybody -else's- thoughts or feelings or behaviors.
The rest is just plain old "why can't •I• be the center of attention once in a while?" Probably with a side of resentment...so I have plenty of stuff to own in all this not the least of which is the years of my own game-playing and drinking behaviors. Doesn't make me any less ticked right now though.
Writing about it does though so that's something. The act of putting words together into a document is both calming and focusing. Which is good because of previous need-sleep-early comment. Gonna try to do so now that my anger seems to have dissipated.
Gosh it's more than 10 mo this now and creeping up on 11 - even when everything else is kinda crappy that's something good to hold.