Day 44

Had to double-check but it really is forty-four days...and finally a pink cloud kind of day.

You wouldn't think so since I got broken sleep and not really enough of it on the night before having to drive back home...but I woke up in a surprisingly good emotional place and have stayed there.  Went to bed last night all fussed over the usurping relative but this morning as I was driving I truly realized in a feeling, rather than merely intellectual, way that she was going to think or do whatever she wanted to think or do and although I couldn't change any of that I could change how I interacted with her...and it gave me a stunning sense of calm. Doesn't look like much as I type it onto the screen but it was pretty major at the time.

That calm continued on the entire four-and-a-half hour drive and the Universe saw fit to give us good radio...with the notable exception of that extremely-ear-worm-y Pearl Jam song with the catchy melody and sad-sad lyrics that I haven't heard in damned near twenty years. It's been over twelve hours now and I still can't get rid of it.

Of course as soon as I got home I started doing way too much way too fast and wore my stupid self out but I realized that and flat-out stopped for a food and rest break before I got to the crying-awful stage. Proactively called the Difficult Relative and worked out a solution acceptable to all with essentially no fuss which was totally amazing.

There were a bunch of little upheavals - lights, pets, trash, dishes, clothes-washing disaster - of exactly the sort of thing which would have previously sent me to the bottle and even recently given me fits of rage or sadness or both but somehow that mellow calm stayed with me and I really FELT "hey this is all do-able, handle-a-ble, fix-able so no big deal, man." 

Wore myself out a second time around and between all the stairs (we have a truly three-story house and the basement is my space) and the walking yesterday and the grocery today and driving and such I am completely achy from the waist down but it's still all okay.

Haven't had the sugar cravings nearly as badly either, for what that's worth.  Oh they're still there enough that I got myself another Goo-Goo Cluster as a treat for doing the damned grocery shopping on the same day as the drive including cleaning supplies for tomorrow's visit and stuff for Eldest's cats but it's not with the same intensity by a long shot...and I didn't overeat today either.

I did, however, win $5 on a $1 scratch-off lottery card.  That was delightful.

Tomorrow it might all go back to cravings the size of a battleship and wanting to chew the legs off everything but today was fluffy and pink and absolutely mellow.