Friday, July 15, 2016
Day 56 - Eight weeks
Had to stop and make sure seven times eight was still fifty-six...that's the kind of day it's been. Stupid beagle is barking out the window even now; it's probably the stupid stray cat that likes to bait him by hanging around all insolent and cat-like.
BOY was it a lousy day. Started when I first woke up: took my stupid blood pressure pill with a sip of tea from the lidded-with-straw cup I keep everywhere including my bedside and suddenly realized there were two things in my mouth. Yup, a freaking earwig had crawled into the straw in the night.
Spat all over the floor of course but by then the stupid dog had decided he'd waited too long to go out and started taking a whiz...but not on the floor as that would be too easy: on the stupid bed right by his stupid plastic bone. Maybe marking territory maybe just being a stupid ass but in any case he got hustled right out the door...and so the day began. With sidebar to haul the stupid bedding to the stupid laundry room and trip over same along the way.
You must have noticed that "stupid" is the word of the day. That's because all the stuff which happened throughout the day seemed stupid in one way or another especially the mini-meltdown I had just past lunchtime. It wasn't one of those unappreciated put-upon resentful meltdowns but one of those unloved unwanted sad meltdowns and I couldn't shake the feeling for hours.
Got a prepackaged piece of carrot cake with my afternoon tea - so much for the big healthy eating talk of yesterday - and the cake itself was inedible because to me it tasted all musty. Probably something with the spices but that was just One More Thing and also the moment I thought "oh fuck this; let's drink." It was just a passing thought and since I was in the middle of my office in the middle of the afternoon there was no way I was acting on that thought but I was sort of surprised to hear That Voice after such a long bit of silence.
I goofed off most of the rest of the afternoon instead; that seemed to placate the out-of-sorts cranky child within well enough. I also made plans to take myself out to lunch on Tuesday as my Day 60 treat...definitely still need treats to anticipate especially when having such an Everything Is Just Stupid day.
Bowled for crap too, not that that's any big deal as I pretty much always bowl for crap and I should be as happy as he was that ABL got four strikes in a row during the second game. Now that it's all over I suppose I am but at the time I was just pissed that the stupid air conditioning was next to nonexistent because the stupid gym is still under stupid construction. Stupid stupid stupid.
Of course I hit a drive-thru for dinner. I'm not -that- stupid (haha see what I did there?) Didn't stop me from hitting the pantry later of course but at least I managed to stick to the chewy and wholefoods muesli instead of raiding the last of the lunch cookies...and today I consider that a major accomplishment. The other major thing - not an accomplishment really but just a thing - was that That Voice didn't rear its ugly head again at all later in the day. Even though the drive-thru was in the same shopping center as my formerly favorite liquor store (town of 2000 has 3 liquor stores--canyoubelieve?) I just now looking back on the evening realized that I didn't think about drinking at all once I was off work and could act on the urge...that may not be an accomplishment but it was certainly a gift.
Now it's time to reassemble the bed and look forward to sleeping in. Hope it rains in the morning; there's just nothing like a nice rainy Saturday morning for lazing about in bed.