Day 55

So. Tired.

Very busy at work and had the scratchy throat thing again today. One good thing though: Eldest's cats are back in her/her husband's apartment (their subletter moved all the way out finally) so that's one less Thing To Deal With. The morning and evening routines got exponentially easier -- I'll take it!

Doing okay with the not-drinking thing and doing okay with the not-piling-on thing too. Have gotten really good at figuring out what truly must be done on any given night and doing just that, no more, without laying a bunch of guilt and you-oughtas on myself. Like for instance right now the dishes are soaking in the sink and it would be nice if they made it into the dishwasher tonight but if they don't that's okay because tomorrow morning is soon enough.

Oh sure there's stuff I would like to do and a few chores that are on the Simply Must Do This Weekend list (okay, the one major thing is "change the stupid silt filter") but I've realized that it's better to listen to the cues my body and nonverbal brain are giving me and not force the issue as that's how resentment builds up and everyone knows a handful of resentment-pebbles equals a nice stiff drink in some neighborhoods. Although I don't hang out there any more it's still not that far away...and the whole point of blogging is to fight complacency.  Best to err on the side of  less rather than more.

Not doing too badly with the food thing either - still having sweets but not in the same quantities as before. Although I was doing it all the time the first couple-three weeks I don't think I've eaten All The Carbs lately so that's progress too.  I'm feeling a need to start moving gently toward healthier choices and I'm doing so but in small increments not big huge "must improve all aspects of life a LOT right NOW" because that path was part of what led to my last quit-quitting. The literature says "no major life changes for at least the first six months if not a year" so I'm considering big dietary overhauls and new strenuous exercise plans to be in that category. Baby steps instead. Less likely to fall that way.

Besides, although the physical health benefits are significant the most important reason for me to stay sober is for the emotional and mental health benefits. I'm' starting to notice fewer spiky ups and crashing downs throughout the course of a day - sure there are those really raw moments but they are getting shorter and easier since even a week or so ago. Also I cannot overemphasize the boost in self-esteem which comes with waking up morning after morning not having drunk the night before. It is so much nicer not to start the day with a hefty slug of self-recrimination that will grow like yeast dough (or Woody Allen's pudding.)