Monday, July 18, 2016

Day 59

Unpleasant day at work. Just really rotten. Ended up staying late to finish an email explaining why the perceived problem wasn't a problem at all and since it was to my boss it had to be diplomatic. This was after a bunch of other issues that were blown up bigger than they should have been and a most unpleasant network meeting.

Good thing dinner was super-easy--thank my earlier self for planning that ahead of time. Once I got that out of the way I did nothing for the next two hours except finish my novel which was exactly the right sort of treat for this day.

The weird thing though is that even though yesterday didn't have as much objectively bad/annoying stuff in it, that was the day I got all bent out of shape emotionally, not today.  Today sucked, but I didn't go down that same unpleasant rabbit-hole where I spent most of yesterday afternoon - go figure. 

Theoretically the rest of the week will be better - possibly more work but at least no more unpleasant meetings. Tomorrow I'll have the best veggie burger in town, too - unless something else on the menu catches my eye. That should be nice. Getting back to sixty days definitely feels like a nice accomplishment because the next-most-recent-to-this time I quit I only got to 56 days before floundering.  A whole second month is pleasing. Each week and month feels like another step in the right direction but I'm thinking my internal "real" goals are first to get a Day 203 since that was where I quit quitting last time and then to hit a one-year mark.  Getting to a whole year still seems kind of magical and illusory but also a very special goal worth seeking. I've been feeling that little pang of "I wish that were me" every time I hear about a soberversary since way before I ever even seriously considered serious obviously that's something important.

Right now, though, bedtime is important. More tomorrow.


  1. It's sobering (haha) to be reminded that someone can get to day 203 and still quit quitting. I thank you for that reminder. Today is your Day 60!!!! Yay, Awesome! There was something unsettling about Day 60 to 80, mood swings etc, and now I feel more in the groove again. Hope you do too!!

  2. Work sucks sometimes doesn't it? You made it 70 days longer that my longest sober stretch so give yourself some credit. Do you feel different this time? I do. I feel like I am more in touch with those pesky feelings and what I need to do when I am out of sorts. Reading your posts gives me the impression you are in touch whether you like it or not. Either way, well done on getting here.

    1. Yes, I do feel different this time around--more committed and like this is familiar ground I want to be on as opposed to new and uncharted waters. And yeah, the biggest part is to keep up with the feelings, listen to what they're saying and try to Deal With Life instead of just medicating it away.