Day 651

Woke up this morning and made a double batch of snickerdoodles, the cookie from my childhood. Half for the household and half to send to a very dear friend of mine who is recuperating from vertebral fractures. Used the measuring cups and mixing bowls from my childhood too. Best batch I've ever made and they were cooling on the counter before anyone else got up.

That's what sobriety gets you.  Kickass cookies instead of a hangover.

I thought I'd feel at least a little smug about the whole thing but what I felt then and still feel now is a profound sense of gratitude. I'm just so grateful not to be drinking any more. If I were still drinking I would have been sucked into the drama last night and would have had huge regrets instead of energy to cook. I might have put out the butter to soften or I might have forgotten completely. I might've left it on the stove while preheating and melted it. I might've forced myself to make the cookies in time to hit the post office before it closed at noon but they wouldn't have had the same kindness baked in, surely. I might have said "fuck all of it" and slept instead. I might still be having huge emotions from the night before or I might not even -remember- the night before. All those things have happened in the past.

I haven't made snickerdoodles in years - since before my mother died - and not with those bowls since I lived at home. I suspect there was some deep stuff going on just below the surface of my consciousness which was healthy and necessary. Probably explains why I ate eight or ten over the course of today, too.

It takes a while to figure out how to have a sober life but once you get the ball rolling it seems to get better and better.