Friday, December 2, 2016

Day 196

A resting day.

First of three and it's harder than it looks. I must subconsciously view my body as some sort of cheap badly maintained robot that it is okay to run out of spec with warning lights flashing. Now that the pain has improved so very much I find it more than a little crazy that I put up with as much as I did for as long as I did...yet even now I find myself trying to push the envelope.

For example: I was wise enough to take today off work and to sleep on the middle-level couch instead of my downstairs bedroom. This morning I planned out how I would make the next three days all about staying only on this level and being horizontal as much as humanly possible and doing as little as possible because I have to be at work Monday morning and don't want to work while on -any-  narcotic so I figured three days of good pain control and horizontal rest would give the best chance of proper healing. 

Till I remembered ABL's bowling and how I had said I would take him so HE could bowl tonight. Immediately I started planning how to have a shower during peak pain med hours and how logistically to do it...the idea of just telling ABL "sorry, can't do it" didn't even enter into the thought process. It took Spouse saying "are you -crazy-?! You didn't go to work but you think you have to take him -bowling-?!? And you're going to take a shower with nobody but him in the house?! That's nuts!" before I realized that yes...that IS pretty nuts. After I had clunked around the kitchen putting together a bowl of cereal I was tired enough to be grateful for couch time I realized I really had no business trying to do anything more than I had originally planned and wondered (still do) what crazy part of me thought I had to even try. 

Whatever part it is was intimately connected to the drinking though. Both in the Cinderella has done all her chores so now she can go to the ball sense and also in the I -deserve- this sense. Maybe if I had  been better at prioritizing my own needs I wouldn't have been so hot to consider the brain-bending of alcohol a reward for life's ills...but there's no time like the present to learn. 

Much Later

Overall this whole fracture deal is basically Not Great. The best thing about today was a lovely 2-hour conversation with Eldest -- that was pleasant and distracting and enjoyable. Last time we had such a conversation was on the walk where the damned bone spontaneously broke in the first place. The other good thing is that the Benedryl and spaced dosing seems to be keeping the itching and nausea from my painkiller away and the hydrocodone -is- way better at pain relief. The rest of it pretty much sucks and the suckiest thing if all is that all this stress is causing my psoriasis to flare. The second suckiest is a tie between ABL acting like a real jerk about the whole thing and the fact that I feel too overall lousy to even read much less do handicrafts. Spent all day today dozing and playing completely mindless phone app games when I wasn't clunking to and from bathroom/walking dog. Don't worry; "walking" in this case means hooking him up to an extendable leash and plonking my butt in a yard chair right by the front door.

Still no urges or cravings. No appetite either; apparently that gets killed along with the pain.

It is very weird to be using my phone pedometer to see how -few- steps I can take in a day. I also have to keep stopping myself from trying to do too much: I seem to have this bizarre need to prove how not-incapacitated I am which is pretty fucking nuts. I'm sure it springs from the same can't ever ask for help tree my mother planted in my psyche and nurtured her whole life but I'm managing to keep the limbs pruned way back...and that's enough of that metaphor; it is withering fast (haha.)

And now to sleep. I hope.

1 comment:

  1. There is no time like the present!
    It's amazing how much I am still learning!
    Hope you get some good sleep!