Day 224

Not the greatest of days.

Work full of annoyances. I think all the stress of the stupid leg and the holidays is also starting to catch up to me. Leg achy from overdoing yesterday. Came home with a wicked tension headache then had family drama before I could even have a snack much less anything for my head.

I suppose it isn't all that surprising I was hit with a big ol' craving especially as the rest of the family has been drinking pretty much nightly since before Christmas. I didn't try to ignore it though; in the thick of the family nonsense I said "I swear I'm gonna start drinking again" which was somewhat surprising to myself as I hadn't really expected -that- to fall out of my face but it had the effect of immediately de-fanging the beast. The worst of the intense "drink now" lessened. Spouse said "oh don't do that; it won't help anything" which as y'all know I said to myself a lot in the earlier days. The terrible urge to Feel Different (as opposed to the set of lousy feelings currently in play) eased up.

Then I took one of my good super-NSAID non-narcotic Toradol and a Flexaril, called half a pint of Ben and Jerry's dinner and promptly fell asleep on the couch. Woke up headache-free, stayed up just long enough to cut the fabric that's been in the dining room table since before Christmas and have now traded the couch for bed.

So yeah...it doesn't go entirely away. The whole "this sucks these feelings suck I want new/different/no feeling booze will fix that drink alcohol NOW" song hasn't been playing like that for ages and ages but it can still pop up on the ol' mental radio station at a moment's notice. Now that it has I'm going to make extra effort to be good to myself especially now that we are headed into THE drinking holiday of the whole entire year.