Day 197

Weird day.

My pain med is "one or two every 6 hours" and I have discovered the hard way that it still takes two to get proper pain relief...and now that I know I -can- be pretty much pain free I want to -be- pain free       so I am taking them two at a time for now. Also trying to do less today than I did yesterday which is pretty easy because 10mg of hydrocodone makes me dumb as a post and more than happy to accept boredom. I have thought about my yarn projects and reading and even coloring (I never gave it up from childhood just took it underground so as not to be ridiculed so I think the "new" trend is hilarious) but all of those sound way too complicated. Well, maybe I will read later but that's about it.

Not at all worried about getting hooked on the opioid even now that the itching and nausea are under control: I can't stand being this friggin' stupid. However I do understand better how it is that a high school classmate of mine got so fond of them because they turn "don't give a shit" all the way to eleven and break off the dial. 

I am still very grateful to have a cane instead of crutches. I'm also grateful to have the problem finally  diagnosed and treated. Still kind of worried because they haven't released my x-ray results to MyChart (online medical record for patients) but I'm thinking it is most likely because multiple providers have been in the EMR (electronic medical record) and each is thinking one of the others will do it. Sure the small mean voice whispering "hematologic malignancy" hasn't -entirely- left the building but if that's the case the 3-week X-ray will point in that direction. See previous paragraph about give-a-shit. 

I am also very grateful to be doing this whole spontaneous fracture dance sober. Not just a week or two sober but six continuous months and another similar chunk a couple months before that. It is one less thing to worry about both from the "are they gonna figure it out?" sense and the "well how am I gonna get the booze now?" sense...and I think I talked about that here already...but it IS a very free-ing feeling.

Much Later...

They don't call it "impaired" fer nuthin', that's for sure. From about 30 to 90 min after those two white tablets I am just utterly useless...my tiny Hoosier grandmother would have said "worthless as teats on a boar hog." Even after that phase passes I'm still totally not myself: got sick of stupid phone games so I tried coloring and not only was the task technically frustrating but I hated all the color choices after I made them. And I don't know whether it is a side effect of the drug or the fracture or the stress at dealing with it all but I have become really noise-sensitive. Turned the volume of my phone way down and thought I was going to go insane over the dog sucking his foot even though he's done it since he was a tiny puppy and he'll be two this month.

Yeah of course there is an alcohol comparison in there somewhere; how could there not be? Especially regarding the irritability. Strange to think that I chose the one for years and am already looking forward to being without the other.

Tomorrow's big plan is to rest up for a shower in the evening.