Day 229

Today required more than usual self care.

Miserable day at work. I had expected some of the issues but others were ugly surprises. Was inadvertently hungry for too much of the day also. Was a short step away from tears of frustration much of the afternoon and then Middle forgot to pick me up. Temperature dropping like a stone all day didn't help either.

In the past this kind of day would have meant stopping at the liquor store on the way home and pouring as soon as I got to the kitchen. Today I came straight home, sat down with a snack and a big glasss of tea and decided -not- to make the after-dinner grocery trip I had planned. Hell, decided not to do -anything- not absolutely necessary...removing things from the To Do list is always a good idea if there is any extra stress in the day. Had a little lie-down before dinner: Pounded Chicken (tenders or pieces of breast whacked thin and sautéed in butter) which was therapeutic. Dessert, mindless TV and more lying about on the couch then broke the evening chores (dishes & tomorrow's lunches) into two separate intervals instead of one big pushing-myself thing.

I was kind of amazed at how second nature "hard day equals extra self care" has become. Instead of flailing about and having a bunch of negative emotions and that mental running-in-the-hamster-wheel thing I thought "okay, what can go?" and "definitely dessert tonight" and "fuck I don't even want to do any of my hobbies tonight - the sewing can wait indefinitely." I lightened my load. I didn't dwell on all the wretchedness of the day, either, which is another thing I never thought would become second nature. Acknowledged it, sure, but opted for distraction over rumination which is another  healthier-by-practice response.

Big take-home message? Stress relief -without- alcohol can, with repetition, become as routine/automatic as wine o'clock was. Never would have believed that a couple years ago but here I am living it.