Saturday, January 28, 2017

Day 253

The days they just keep marching along...

Today was busy.  Middle came home, took a shower, rounded up one last blanketful of stuff then drove us the half hour down to his new-for-a-semester dorm.  I was cool about the whole thing - I'm hoping he'll find whatever it is he's looking for in the next four months.

Didn't go straight home though - went to the local Wal-Hell instead. On a Saturday afternoon. Of course it was packed... but that was fine. I needed a new shower curtain and a place to go while I was getting over the sadness of yet another child leaving. That worked out pretty okay, actually...and I got ABL a new set of sheets while I was at it since the house is suddenly short of twin-sized; fancy that.

Came home, threw the new sheets in the washer, got the stuff out for banana bread and then started in on cleaning up the car enough that I can stand having it be mine again. As long as Middle was commuting and it was "his" car I didn't say much but *I* certainly don't want to be driving in a pigsty.  Removed an entire bag of trash (mostly empty energy-drink cans; glad he won't have those in the dining hall,) filled the tank, took it to the car wash, spent forever vacuuming it then stopped at a discount store for cheap-o floor mats and an air freshener...also duct tape to fix the drivers' side sun visor which has been broken for over a year -- not my problem if I wasn't driving but now that I am, that was just NOT going to fly as I drive east-northeast to work in the morning. Already had those cleaning wet-wipes in the trunk so I mucked out the interior a fair bit too. MUCH better.

Hung the shower curtain, hauled trash out of all parts of the house and then finally made banana bread. Got ABL his weekend McDonald's while it baked. Replaced light bulbs in a few places, put on my pajamas, ate some dinner of my own (NOT McDonalds) and realized "hey, I'm freaking exhausted!"

Had a nice little lie-down on the sofa after that - nowadays I know better than to try powering through "tired." 

After that?  Warm banana bread.  So. Freaking. Good. The vodka, Kaluha and seltzer water that Drinking Me would have had can't even come CLOSE.  Had a second slice, of course...and then with my tummy all warm and full sat down to share with all you fine people. Very satisfying day.

In one of my all-time favorite movies one of the main characters says "...but if you stick around it gets good again...almost like a whole new person."  He was talking about a long-term partnership instead of serial relationships but for me it seems to be true of sobriety: for the longest time - pretty much the entire three months from just past the four-month mark to about halfway through the 7th month - it was just...boring, kinda. I mean yeah, sure, I liked not ever being hung over especially on Sunday mornings but for the most part it seemed like nothing was really different or better or anything just "not also drunk."  The biggest motivator keeping me going was "get past the place where I messed up before."  However recently - I guess enough time finally passed - I have been noticing that pretty much everything is better as a sober person. More stable emotions, better ability at dealing with just about every single aspect of life, way more brain-space because all the parts devoted to drinking (obtaining, doing, recovering) are freed up...and I appreciate things more.  Like the banana bread.


  1. Beautiful, Mrs. S!
    I am so glad you have continued on and are finding that life is indeed better lived sober!

  2. Wow, I'm exhausted reading that, go you! Do you feel a bit empty nest? I know you have ABL but it must be weirdly quiet and peaceful (which sounds good to me after a weekend of fighting with my daughter) I hope you get to enjoy some time to just be you and do what you want. I am actually drooling at the thought of banana bread as I a *everything free* at the moment doing an elimination diet for potential allergies and the last 2 days I could have eaten food from a muddy puddle the cravings have been so strong. Apparently that is the "die off" and typical around day 30. It's that addict part of my brain screaming out for sugar and namely a slice of Banana bread. Funny how it transfers to food as driving home I thought day 45 I am gonna eat my face full of junk. Once an addict always and addict.