Day 242

They can't all be winners.

The stupid morning meeting I thought would be only thirty minutes went a full hour, I didn't get to the cafeteria before they closed the hot line and the stupid afternoon meeting I thought was from 3:30 to 4:00 turned out, upon closer inspection, to be from 3:00 to 4:30. There were other annoyances too including freezing rain. Total have-a-mini-in-the-parked-car kind of day back in the day.

However that thought didn't even occur to me till right now in the telling: That Voice stays silent more and more of the time now. It has become second nature when having a day like this one to plan before I ever leave the office just exactly what food I will have as soon as the dog is walked and how much of a rest I can take before starting dinner. Tonight it was good homemade eggplant dip (baba I'm-not-gonna-try-to-spell-it) with crackers and some particularly nice fresh pineapple. After that and a shower I was a whole new person.

Speaking of "new person" one thing which has been happening lately - like just the past week or two - is that I find myself not only -able- to sit or lie down quietly doing nothing but actually choosing it. This is both stunning and fascinating to me because my whole life I have had to be doing -something-     at all times: some of my earliest memories are of rolling modeling-clay snakes while watching our old black and white TV. Sitting in a quiet room doing nothing by choice is something I never thought would happen to me. I guess it is a sign my brain and body are becoming overall more calm.

I get the sense that subtle but profound things are happening/shifting in my mind of late. Not sure quite what but I am sure that 1) it is a result of this long-term sobriety thing 2) I like this new version of me far better than all previous versions. Sobriety is a major operating system upgrade.