Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Day 242

They can't all be winners.

The stupid morning meeting I thought would be only thirty minutes went a full hour, I didn't get to the cafeteria before they closed the hot line and the stupid afternoon meeting I thought was from 3:30 to 4:00 turned out, upon closer inspection, to be from 3:00 to 4:30. There were other annoyances too including freezing rain. Total have-a-mini-in-the-parked-car kind of day back in the day.

However that thought didn't even occur to me till right now in the telling: That Voice stays silent more and more of the time now. It has become second nature when having a day like this one to plan before I ever leave the office just exactly what food I will have as soon as the dog is walked and how much of a rest I can take before starting dinner. Tonight it was good homemade eggplant dip (baba I'm-not-gonna-try-to-spell-it) with crackers and some particularly nice fresh pineapple. After that and a shower I was a whole new person.

Speaking of "new person" one thing which has been happening lately - like just the past week or two - is that I find myself not only -able- to sit or lie down quietly doing nothing but actually choosing it. This is both stunning and fascinating to me because my whole life I have had to be doing -something-     at all times: some of my earliest memories are of rolling modeling-clay snakes while watching our old black and white TV. Sitting in a quiet room doing nothing by choice is something I never thought would happen to me. I guess it is a sign my brain and body are becoming overall more calm.

I get the sense that subtle but profound things are happening/shifting in my mind of late. Not sure quite what but I am sure that 1) it is a result of this long-term sobriety thing 2) I like this new version of me far better than all previous versions. Sobriety is a major operating system upgrade.


  1. I think it's sobriety and our age. Realising how much time we wasted, wasted! It's the combination of seeing how lucky we are to get away from that craziness and how close we came to it being continually worse, coupled with the middle aged giving up previous attitudes and pretentious we felt were necessary before.
    Like you I am so much calmer but also more tolerant, forgiving, understanding, kind etc. Some days I think "jeez I was a real ass a lot of the time" oh and so much anger has just disappeared. Keep up the sitting down ha ha.

    1. I too lost a lot of anger amd gained patience. Still get upset but it doesn't seem as intense or last as long.

  2. I love it!
    It is an upgrade!
    I am now way calmer now that I am sober.
    And you will be in for a premium upgrade next year!!