Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Day 256

Surprising day.

Work very low key but I went out to the car to discover two inches of fresh snow with more falling...and I had errands to run on the way home. In the gray dreary rapidly-getting-colder-and-darker evening. Ugh.

So I started the car, cleared off the snow, waited my turn to get out of the parking lot and headed downtown when the surprising thing happened. Just before the four-way stop the thought sprang into my head fully formed like Athena "gosh wouldn't it be nice to just slip right into an alcohol buzz?!? You know...'hello there; I've missed you.'"

It was just so sudden...and so vivid. Kind of shocking. Shocking too was how that same part of my brain was quick to point out that I was going to be -right-by- the liquor store, too.  Yeah, well, I don't do that any more. Or so I told myself as I went as quickly through my errands as possible.

Once home I went into full support mode: had some food immediately and got into my pajamas right away. Got dinner in the oven then had a nice lie down on the couch...and by then the urge was long gone and the whole idea seemed faintly ridiculous but I'm still taking it damned easy the whole rest of the night, just in case.

In retrospect I think having to clean off the car was the one thing too many which drew attention to how -much- change is happening in work and home fronts right now which probably had something to do with wanting to go back to old familiar coping mechanisms but...damn. Wow. And I had been so -happy- with/about my sobriety lately too.

But it is better now. Oh, and cheese enchiladas are ridiculously easy to make and very tasty on a cold nasty night.

Did the bare minimum of chores (which means NOT the dishes) and crawled back under the afghan on the couch. May move from couch to bed eventually; may not. Mostly I've closed down the mountain (to use a Wargames reference for my currrent mental state.) Tomorrow is a whole fresh day.

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